Flip Flop Flip

Most Canadian women are lucky enough to be entitled to a full year of partially-paid maternity leave. I probably received something like 30-40% of my salary during my maternity leave. It can be tough financially, but we planned and budgeted for it and there was no question about taking the full year.

It was hard to come back. A year is a long time. But I did. I plucked my sleepy baby from her crib each morning at dark o’clock and drove her across the city to her daycare. Then I drove myself back across the city to work and missed her all day long. By the time I saw her at the end of the day, we were both tired and hungry and tired and tired but there was still dinner to make and baths to have and laundry and dishes and tired. And with a husband who has to work 2-3 evenings every week, it was often done by me alone.

Once she was asleep at night I would sit and think. This is crazy. This is insanity. There has to be a better way.

But it was what it was for two more years.

Then, when Munchie was 3, a coworker was in the same situation. Coming back from maternity leave, wishing there was a better way. So our employer thankfully thankfully thankfully allowed us to job share. We both started working three days each week.

On Thursdays Munchie went to day care while I did the groceries, the laundry, the banking, went to the dentist, got a hair cut, went to yoga… did all those things that used to fill up a weekend. On Fridays Munchie and I would stay home and relax, or go out and play, or visit our friends, or go to the museum, or check out storytime. And our weekends? Were weekends.

We planned to keep this schedule going until Munchie was in school full time. So this past September when she started full-day school, I went to my boss and with a sad smile said - I guess it’s time. There were no opportunities to increase my work hours at that time (i.e. no funding) but I wanted her to know that when that changed I was willing to take it on.

So a coworker is retiring. And I was offered her work days.

This made me cry. Like a lot. I didn’t want to do it. I might have had a bit of a temper tantrum. All I could think was I don’t want to. I really wanted to say no thanks I’m not going to do it.

Then I felt like a spoiled brat. A lot of people don’t like going to work everyday, but they still do! What makes me so special? How can I justify watching Teen Mom 2 in my basement on a Friday afternoon while my kid is at school and my husband is out working hard? It’s kind of embarrassing to admit that I only work 3 days a week. So I really thought I should say yes thank you I’ll do it.

And then I signed up to go along on Munchie’s field trip. And told her teacher I would bring snacks to her Valentine’s party. And planned to visit my cousin in the hospital this week. And booked a massage. And told the accountant I’d drop off our tax forms. And assured our neighbor that I could get her daughter to her 4:00 choir rehearsal. And I though t – ohmygoodness I want to still be able to DO all these things! This is what I feel good about!

My mom told me to do what makes me happy (but she doesn’t pay my bills). My husband told me to be honest with myself (but he’d welcome a few extra dollars in the bank account too).

I need to try to put aside the guilt and the shame I can’t help but feel.

I think I’m going to say no thank you.

Parlez vous Anglais, Siri?

Talking and texting on a cell phone is illegal in my city. Which is good, otherwise my cause of death would likely be “fiery crash”.

However. Yesterday while stopped in a long line of traffic, my phone ding-donged with a text. Since I was stopped-still-not-moving, I checked it. And then decided to put Siri (iPhone's voice activated 'personal assistant') to work with my response. With my hands free to drive (not drive. Stopped-still-not-moving), I could dictate my text for Siri to send back to my friend.

We’ll call my friend Joanne. Joanne Jewel. (That’s not her name. But I’ll recommend it if she decides to become a stripper.)

Me: “Text Joanne.”
Siri: “I do not see a Jo-Ann in your contacts. Who would you like to send a message to?”
Me: “Text Joanne Jewel.”
Siri: “I do not see a Jo-Ann Jewer in your contacts. Would you like me to send a message to Joanne Jewel?”
Me: “Yes.”
Siri” “I do not understand ‘yet’. Would you like me to send a message to Joanne Jewel?”
Me: “Yyesss.”
Siri: “I do not understand ‘essss’. Would you like to do an internet search for “essss”.
Me: “No.”
Siri: Silence. Probably sulking. Or laughing at me. Or having another tequila.
Me: (louder this time) “Text. Joanne. Jewel.”

(repeat above 14 times until Siri understands “yes”.)

Siri: “What would you like to say?”
Me: (having recently booked time off work when Joanne’s sister Wendy is in town visiting.) “Me and Wendy have a plan!”
Siri: “McGee and Wendy. Upland!”

…
Joanne: “Who the hell is McGee?”

And that was how I spent almost all of my 15 minute drive home from work. Informing Joanne that her sister was upland with McGee.

I'm cold and other things.

Oh hello there!

I’ve been staring at my blank blogger screen for a few days, torn on which direction to go.

I could tell you what’s happening with my cousin, but obviously that’s not very cheery. However it feels wrong to tell you cheerful-rainbow-colored-unicorn stories this week too.

So here’s a random bit of everything.

1. My cousin had two surgeries over the past two days. Today is her first day in a week without a multitude of medical things to do so I hope she is staying warm and cozy in her pyjamas all day. I went to visit her on the weekend. Her parents are putting on a brave face when she is around, which will be helpful. And my cousin didn’t seem to truly grasp the position she is in, so that’s helpful too. One step at a time is more than enough. My uncle said she’d like me to come by again this week, so I’m trying to think of something fun we can do. Maybe I’ll do her nails or something.

2. On the weekend we had two birthday parties to go to – a first birthday and a second birthday! They were both lots of fun and a perfect happy diversion. The second party was with my girlfriends and their kids and those truly were the faces I wanted to see after a tough week.

3. It’s totally winter here now. It’s so freaking cold. Munchie hasn’t been able to go out for recess for a week. Poor teachers.

4. I frequently worry that we over-schedule Munchie with too many activities. But then she goes and signs herself up for Tennis Club on Tuesdays and Knitting Club on Fridays, so I guess she’s doing okay. And what is more funny that (a) 6-years old trying to play tennis, and (b) 6-year olds sitting around knitting.

5. I need to refer to Munchie as a 6-year old repeatedly for the next 20 days. Because then she’ll be a 7-year old and that sounds really old. When you’re 7, you’re a full-blown kid. Not a little kid. Sigh.

6. I have a bunch of vacation days to use up at work before April 1, 2012. I wish I had a ticket to a sunny destination, but that doesn’t seem likely to materialize. However a few days of reading in my jammies, watching crappy daytime TV, with a spa day and a couple of coffee dates thrown into the mix sounds okay too.

But if somebody wanted to buy me a ticket to Hawaii, I probably wouldn’t argue. Because OH MY GOD - THIS!

Not again.

My 12 year old cousin could use your prayers. Yesterday it was confirmed that she has some type of sarcoma. More tests are being done today and she is scheduled for a biopsy on Monday. I am heartbroken. I was about a year and a half older than her when I was diagnosed with cancer and I hate that somebody I love has to walk that same road. Watching this now through the eyes of a parent, my heart breaks for my aunt and uncle. My uncle told me yesterday - "I can't even begin to describe how awful this is." My heart breaks for my elderly grandparents who are frantic and distraught at the thought of another granddaughter being diagnosed.

I hate this.

I had a whole bunch of pictures of my sweet cousin ready to post, but I'm not sure it's the right thing to do considering she's not my child (though she was kind of my 'practice baby'). For now here are a couple of old ones.

At my brother's wedding:

Playing piano:

Cuddling baby Munchie:

2011/12

I think I've caught up on all your wonderful New Years posts now. Does that mean it's time for me to write my own? I've gone back and looked at previous years' posts. Recaps at the end of December, hopes for the year in January.

At this time last year, I really felt like 2011 was going to be life-changing. Or more accurately, I feared that 2011 was going to be life-changing. I felt uncertain about so many things and was fearful of so much.

But the year went on and nothing much changed. There were no ground-breaking developments in any area of my life really. In some instances that's a very good thing, but in others? Maybe not. I'm sure there are areas in my life where I should be doing more or should be doing less or just should be doing something. Anything instead of the same old thing.

So even though I don't typically make resolutions, maybe I should. Maybe I should start by figuring out what needs to change. Because I shouldn't be content to just stand still.

The Advent(ure) Concludes

Okay, I'm feeling totally done with Christmas and I just want to clean my house and get rid of all the Christmas stuff. I love it all from December 5th - 26th and then... get it out.

Anyway - I just wanted to conclude the Advent(ure), mostly as a record for myself next year.

Day 19 - This was the day of Munchie's Christmas concert so there was time only for candy.

Day 20 - Chocolate for breakfast. (The days were getting busier, what can I say?!)

Day 21 - This was a fun night. There is a little miniature train at the end of our street that runs through a large property... I just googled it - a 6 minute ride through 7 acres of forest lit with Christmas lights and displays. It was a lot of fun. We warmed up afterwards with a trip to Starbucks - lattes for mom and dad and hot chocolate and a cake pop for Munchie!

Day 22 - Another craft day inspired by Pinterest. But this one didn't really work out. We were supposed to fill balloons with water, add food coloring and then freeze. Once the water is frozen, you take off the ballloon and you're left with colorful 'glass rocks'. But here's the thing - we put the balloon to the tap, but how do you make enough pressure to actually inflate the balloon?? I guess I didn't really think it through. So instead we poured our water into ziplock bags. And then we put them outside the backdoor. Some froze, some didn't... they're all still sitting outside the backdoor.

Munchie had fun playing with the balloons later.

Day 23 - The plan was something like "Let's snuggle under the covers tonight with some hot chocolate and read through the big bin of Christmas books!" But then our neighbors invited us to order pizza with them for dinner and we spent the evening there instead.

Day 24 - A new Christmas ornament for the tree.

And then it was Christmas!

Advent(ure) Part 4

Day 12 - Chocolate. For breakfast.

Day 13 - Spa night at home. That's a whole lotta nail polish.

Munchie chose pink and purple for her fingers...

... and blue and orange for her toes. (Don't look to closely, I did a terrible job. They looked much better after a second coat.)

Day 14 - A trip to the salon for a haircut. Here is the before shot...

...and the after. Not much of a *cut* per se, but she had fun.

Day 15 - Time to bake some Christmas cookies! Munchie's favorite job is cracking the eggs. Here she is fishing out some egg shell.

The finished product. So yummy.

Day 16 - The plan was to rent a movie and make popcorn, but we did a movie and Christmas cookies instead.

Day 17 - Decorating a gingerbread family. Hardly messy at all... sigh.

And the finished family... Munchie made the ones that are covered in candy, and Hubby made the scary horror show Daddy gingerbread man. I made the mom and the kid with the matching 'hair'.

Day 18 - We went to the Y for a swim. I wore a bathing suit and so there are no pictures. Munchie had lots of fun though. She went down the waterslide 40 thousand times. Here is a picture I stole from the website of somebody else's child on the waterslide. Or is that a grown man? Eh. You get the point.