Finding Joy in the Little Things...

Flip Flop Flip

2012-02-06T13:05:00.001-06:00

Most Canadian women are lucky enough to be entitled to a full year of partially-paid maternity leave. I probably received something like 30-40% of my salary during my maternity leave. It can be tough financially, but we planned and budgeted for it and there was no question about taking the full year.

It was hard to come back. A year is a long time. But I did. I plucked my sleepy baby from her crib each morning at dark o’clock and drove her across the city to her daycare. Then I drove myself back across the city to work and missed her all day long. By the time I saw her at the end of the day, we were both tired and hungry and tired and tired but there was still dinner to make and baths to have and laundry and dishes and tired. And with a husband who has to work 2-3 evenings every week, it was often done by me alone.

Once she was asleep at night I would sit and think. This is crazy. This is insanity. There has to be a better way.

But it was what it was for two more years.

Then, when Munchie was 3, a coworker was in the same situation. Coming back from maternity leave, wishing there was a better way. So our employer thankfully thankfully thankfully allowed us to job share. We both started working three days each week.

On Thursdays Munchie went to day care while I did the groceries, the laundry, the banking, went to the dentist, got a hair cut, went to yoga… did all those things that used to fill up a weekend. On Fridays Munchie and I would stay home and relax, or go out and play, or visit our friends, or go to the museum, or check out storytime. And our weekends? Were weekends.

We planned to keep this schedule going until Munchie was in school full time. So this past September when she started full-day school, I went to my boss and with a sad smile said - I guess it’s time. There were no opportunities to increase my work hours at that time (i.e. no funding) but I wanted her to know that when that changed I was willing to take it on.

So a coworker is retiring. And I was offered her work days.

This made me cry. Like a lot. I didn’t want to do it. I might have had a bit of a temper tantrum. All I could think was I don’t want to. I really wanted to say no thanks I’m not going to do it.

Then I felt like a spoiled brat. A lot of people don’t like going to work everyday, but they still do! What makes me so special? How can I justify watching Teen Mom 2 in my basement on a Friday afternoon while my kid is at school and my husband is out working hard? It’s kind of embarrassing to admit that I only work 3 days a week. So I really thought I should say yes thank you I’ll do it.

And then I signed up to go along on Munchie’s field trip. And told her teacher I would bring snacks to her Valentine’s party. And planned to visit my cousin in the hospital this week. And booked a massage. And told the accountant I’d drop off our tax forms. And assured our neighbor that I could get her daughter to her 4:00 choir rehearsal. And I though t – ohmygoodness I want to still be able to DO all these things! This is what I feel good about!

My mom told me to do what makes me happy (but she doesn’t pay my bills). My husband told me to be honest with myself (but he’d welcome a few extra dollars in the bank account too).

I need to try to put aside the guilt and the shame I can’t help but feel.

I think I’m going to say no thank you.

Parlez vous Anglais, Siri?

2012-01-24T10:20:00.002-06:00

Talking and texting on a cell phone is illegal in my city. Which is good, otherwise my cause of death would likely be “fiery crash”.

However. Yesterday while stopped in a long line of traffic, my phone ding-donged with a text. Since I was stopped-still-not-moving, I checked it. And then decided to put Siri (iPhone's voice activated 'personal assistant') to work with my response. With my hands free to drive (not drive. Stopped-still-not-moving), I could dictate my text for Siri to send back to my friend.

We’ll call my friend Joanne. Joanne Jewel. (That’s not her name. But I’ll recommend it if she decides to become a stripper.)

Me: “Text Joanne.”
Siri: “I do not see a Jo-Ann in your contacts. Who would you like to send a message to?”
Me: “Text Joanne Jewel.”
Siri: “I do not see a Jo-Ann Jewer in your contacts. Would you like me to send a message to Joanne Jewel?”
Me: “Yes.”
Siri” “I do not understand ‘yet’. Would you like me to send a message to Joanne Jewel?”
Me: “Yyesss.”
Siri: “I do not understand ‘essss’. Would you like to do an internet search for “essss”.
Me: “No.”
Siri: Silence. Probably sulking. Or laughing at me. Or having another tequila.
Me: (louder this time) “Text. Joanne. Jewel.”

(repeat above 14 times until Siri understands “yes”.)

Siri: “What would you like to say?”
Me: (having recently booked time off work when Joanne’s sister Wendy is in town visiting.) “Me and Wendy have a plan!”
Siri: “McGee and Wendy. Upland!”

…
Joanne: “Who the hell is McGee?”

And that was how I spent almost all of my 15 minute drive home from work. Informing Joanne that her sister was upland with McGee.

I'm cold and other things.

2012-01-18T11:50:00.003-06:00

Oh hello there!

I’ve been staring at my blank blogger screen for a few days, torn on which direction to go.

I could tell you what’s happening with my cousin, but obviously that’s not very cheery. However it feels wrong to tell you cheerful-rainbow-colored-unicorn stories this week too.

So here’s a random bit of everything.

1. My cousin had two surgeries over the past two days. Today is her first day in a week without a multitude of medical things to do so I hope she is staying warm and cozy in her pyjamas all day. I went to visit her on the weekend. Her parents are putting on a brave face when she is around, which will be helpful. And my cousin didn’t seem to truly grasp the position she is in, so that’s helpful too. One step at a time is more than enough. My uncle said she’d like me to come by again this week, so I’m trying to think of something fun we can do. Maybe I’ll do her nails or something.

2. On the weekend we had two birthday parties to go to – a first birthday and a second birthday! They were both lots of fun and a perfect happy diversion. The second party was with my girlfriends and their kids and those truly were the faces I wanted to see after a tough week.

3. It’s totally winter here now. It’s so freaking cold. Munchie hasn’t been able to go out for recess for a week. Poor teachers.

4. I frequently worry that we over-schedule Munchie with too many activities. But then she goes and signs herself up for Tennis Club on Tuesdays and Knitting Club on Fridays, so I guess she’s doing okay. And what is more funny that (a) 6-years old trying to play tennis, and (b) 6-year olds sitting around knitting.

5. I need to refer to Munchie as a 6-year old repeatedly for the next 20 days. Because then she’ll be a 7-year old and that sounds really old. When you’re 7, you’re a full-blown kid. Not a little kid. Sigh.

6. I have a bunch of vacation days to use up at work before April 1, 2012. I wish I had a ticket to a sunny destination, but that doesn’t seem likely to materialize. However a few days of reading in my jammies, watching crappy daytime TV, with a spa day and a couple of coffee dates thrown into the mix sounds okay too.

But if somebody wanted to buy me a ticket to Hawaii, I probably wouldn’t argue. Because OH MY GOD - THIS!

Not again.

2012-01-12T12:11:00.000-06:00

My 12 year old cousin could use your prayers. Yesterday it was confirmed that she has some type of sarcoma. More tests are being done today and she is scheduled for a biopsy on Monday. I am heartbroken. I was about a year and a half older than her when I was diagnosed with cancer and I hate that somebody I love has to walk that same road. Watching this now through the eyes of a parent, my heart breaks for my aunt and uncle. My uncle told me yesterday - "I can't even begin to describe how awful this is." My heart breaks for my elderly grandparents who are frantic and distraught at the thought of another granddaughter being diagnosed.

I hate this.

I had a whole bunch of pictures of my sweet cousin ready to post, but I'm not sure it's the right thing to do considering she's not my child (though she was kind of my 'practice baby'). For now here are a couple of old ones.

At my brother's wedding:

Playing piano:

Cuddling baby Munchie:

2011/12

2012-01-02T15:46:00.003-06:00

I think I've caught up on all your wonderful New Years posts now. Does that mean it's time for me to write my own? I've gone back and looked at previous years' posts. Recaps at the end of December, hopes for the year in January.

At this time last year, I really felt like 2011 was going to be life-changing. Or more accurately, I feared that 2011 was going to be life-changing. I felt uncertain about so many things and was fearful of so much.

But the year went on and nothing much changed. There were no ground-breaking developments in any area of my life really. In some instances that's a very good thing, but in others? Maybe not. I'm sure there are areas in my life where I should be doing more or should be doing less or just should be doing something. Anything instead of the same old thing.

So even though I don't typically make resolutions, maybe I should. Maybe I should start by figuring out what needs to change. Because I shouldn't be content to just stand still.

The Advent(ure) Concludes

2011-12-29T15:13:00.005-06:00

Okay, I'm feeling totally done with Christmas and I just want to clean my house and get rid of all the Christmas stuff. I love it all from December 5th - 26th and then... get it out.

Anyway - I just wanted to conclude the Advent(ure), mostly as a record for myself next year.

Day 19 - This was the day of Munchie's Christmas concert so there was time only for candy.

Day 20 - Chocolate for breakfast. (The days were getting busier, what can I say?!)

Day 21 - This was a fun night. There is a little miniature train at the end of our street that runs through a large property... I just googled it - a 6 minute ride through 7 acres of forest lit with Christmas lights and displays. It was a lot of fun. We warmed up afterwards with a trip to Starbucks - lattes for mom and dad and hot chocolate and a cake pop for Munchie!

Day 22 - Another craft day inspired by Pinterest. But this one didn't really work out. We were supposed to fill balloons with water, add food coloring and then freeze. Once the water is frozen, you take off the ballloon and you're left with colorful 'glass rocks'. But here's the thing - we put the balloon to the tap, but how do you make enough pressure to actually inflate the balloon?? I guess I didn't really think it through. So instead we poured our water into ziplock bags. And then we put them outside the backdoor. Some froze, some didn't... they're all still sitting outside the backdoor.

Munchie had fun playing with the balloons later.

Day 23 - The plan was something like "Let's snuggle under the covers tonight with some hot chocolate and read through the big bin of Christmas books!" But then our neighbors invited us to order pizza with them for dinner and we spent the evening there instead.

Day 24 - A new Christmas ornament for the tree.

And then it was Christmas!

Advent(ure) Part 4

2011-12-13T20:52:00.008-06:00

Day 12 - Chocolate. For breakfast.

Day 13 - Spa night at home. That's a whole lotta nail polish.

Munchie chose pink and purple for her fingers...

... and blue and orange for her toes. (Don't look to closely, I did a terrible job. They looked much better after a second coat.)

Day 14 - A trip to the salon for a haircut. Here is the before shot...

...and the after. Not much of a *cut* per se, but she had fun.

Day 15 - Time to bake some Christmas cookies! Munchie's favorite job is cracking the eggs. Here she is fishing out some egg shell.

The finished product. So yummy.

Day 16 - The plan was to rent a movie and make popcorn, but we did a movie and Christmas cookies instead.

Day 17 - Decorating a gingerbread family. Hardly messy at all... sigh.

And the finished family... Munchie made the ones that are covered in candy, and Hubby made the scary horror show Daddy gingerbread man. I made the mom and the kid with the matching 'hair'.

Day 18 - We went to the Y for a swim. I wore a bathing suit and so there are no pictures. Munchie had lots of fun though. She went down the waterslide 40 thousand times. Here is a picture I stole from the website of somebody else's child on the waterslide. Or is that a grown man? Eh. You get the point.

Advent(ure) - Part 3

2011-12-11T19:23:00.000-06:00

Day 8 - Crafting with mini marshmallows! What could be better?

Day 9 - A trip to the awesome garden centre just outside the city limits. I just wanted to sit there for an hour and breathe in the fabulous evergreen scent. Apparently, Munchie was cool with that plan too.

We also would have been happy to spend hours in their fun gift shop.

Stopping to make a Christmas wish on the way out.

Day 10 was lost to me in a feverish haze. It was absolutely brutal. I probably should have gone to the hospital since it was above my "magic number" for 12 hours, but I didn't. I don't know if that was the smart thing to do, but... morning came and my temperature was better and I did a (slow and headache-y) happy dance. Our Advent treat was supposed to be going out for dinner, but we ordered pizza instead.

Day 11 - The Advent treat of the day was going to see a movie in the afternoon. But before that we had our annual Christmas brunch with my mom's side of the family. The crowd has dwindled, but Munchie is always happy to goof around with my cousin's two kids.

And Santa always makes an appearance too. Munchie wasn't really into it this year. (or ever maybe?)

And then after brunch, we dragged our full bellies to the theatre for Arthur's Christmas. We all really liked it, though I must say that it bothers me how many Christmas movies are about kids NOT believing, and then being convinced. This movie starts with a little girl writing a letter to Santa asking him all the impossible questions - how do you get to every house? how do all the toys fit in your bag? how do you get down the chimney? It hasn't even occurred to Munchie to not believe yet, so it makes me mad that these movies end up planting that seed of doubt. But other than that, we gave it six thumbs up.

Hopefully it's early to bed for all of us tonight as another busy week awaits!

The Advent(ture) Continues

2011-12-08T10:45:00.001-06:00

Day 2: Candy. It was a busy Friday and there was no time for crafting or baking or anything outside of 'regularly scheduled activities'.

Day 3: Ah, there's nothing like the squishy feeling of cold, wet, brown paint between your fingers and toes in the morning (okay, it was afternoon, but that's me in my pyjama pants in the mirror, so I'm calling it morning.)

This craft was again inspired by Pinterest, and here is the result! (We didn't have room for the bow at the bottom, so we glued it to the top and it hangs down all dangly-like.)

And unrelated to our Advent(ure), later that night Hubs and I went to a hockey game which was very, very, fun and made me very, very, happy. So I'm putting a picture of that here too.

On Day 4 we decorated the Christmas tree and drank hot chocolate (while listening to Nana Mouskouri's Christmas album from 1972. Seriously. Don't mock. It's not Christmas without Nana.)

Once the tree was decorated, Munchie and I had fun taking pictures of the lights.

Day 5 was a Monday. Mondays are busy days. We rush to stuff some dinner down our throats and head off to choir practice, followed by catechism. Usually once we're home from catechism, Munchie has to start getting ready for bed. But not during this month of fun and games! On Day 5 we stayed up a bit later and played a rousing game of Candyland all together. I didn't take any pictures, but just imagine us all huddled around the game board, surrounded by the glow of the Christmas tree... made-for-TV-movie-style. (But with more whining and complaining when a certain 6-year old wasn't always the winner.)

Day 6 was another paint-under-the-fingernails kind of project. Finger paining (thumb painting?) strings of Christmas lights. It turned out pretty cute!

Day 7 was another busy day, so the Advent treat was a chocolate that Munchie ate for breakfast. That made her smile.

Oh and my brother came for a short visit too. That made us all smile.

Advent(ure) in the Making

2011-12-01T17:56:00.003-06:00

Let me start by saying that I have nothing against chocolate and candy. In fact, chocolate and candy make me happier than a lot of things. Like, a lot. (And Munchie would agree. Which is making me think she is about to be very, very mad at me.)

I bought Munchie a fun wooden Advent calendar last year. It has little doors to open every day, and last year behind every little door was a candy. We still had lots of leftover Halloween candy and this was a good way to use it up. Needless to say, the Advent calendar was a roaring success last year, and Munchie has been waiting for the first day of December to arrive so we could resurrect the tradition.

But this year, things are different. I've discovered Pinterest and developed all these grandiose ideas about the fabulous things I SHOULD be doing. So... when we get home after choir practice tonight, Munchie will run to her Advent calendar and find a note saying "It's craft night!" And then her and I will bond over the creation of a masterpiece I found on Pinterest.

So this Advent season, there will be less candy. We're going to be doing lots of crafts. And baking. And spending quality time going to the movies, and painting our nails, and having a date with daddy at Starbucks, and going to the garden center to see the Christmas trees, and getting haircuts, and going swimming.

And all this is going to happen along with our usual work, school, choir, catechism, swimming, dance, theatre, gymnastics, volunteering, and a visit from my brother.

I'm either the best mom ever, or totally insane.

*****Update:

Here is the first step of the masterpiece, done by not-at-all-craft-not-even-a-little-bit-don't-judge me. I left it to dry while she was at choir.

Here is my artist at work:

And here is the finished product! (with some weird red-eye reduction that made her eyes black).

She loved it! Advent day #1 is a success!

I love stories like these!

2011-11-28T13:09:00.000-06:00

There was a fabulous, wonderful, heartwarming, tear-jerking, truly awesome true story at church yesterday.

There’s a guy who sits in the second row with his wife for mass every week. He’s an airline pilot, and looks like a nice, friendly grandpa-type-of-guy. In a GENIUS move, his employer is partnered with the Bone Marrow Donor Registry Program, and when pilots have their annual physicals, blood samples are taken and sent to Canadian Blood Services to include the pilots on the Bone Marrow Registry.

(You know what’s going to happen, right?)

So a while back, Pilot gets a phone call. They need his bone marrow. So he heads off to the hospital and bone marrow is aspirated and sent away. Many months later, he’s able to learn the details.

He (Caucasian, Canadian, 60-ish man) was a match with a Hispanic 10-year old girl in California. Out of Eleven. Million. Donors. He was the one and only match.

And the match was perfect.

And it worked!

Pilot is invited to a ceremony in California where donors and recipients meet. Pilot flies to California and gets to meet his healthy new friend. Healthy because of her one-in-eleven-million chance. Healthy because of him!

And another several months later:

Pilot needed the whole second row at church this week. Because beside him was his healthy friend and her family. They had come from California to have a visit. And this healthy young girl got to play in the snow for the very first time ever (and she got the BEST snow! It had just snowed one of those snows where the trees just look gorgeous and it’s warm enough to play outside and the snow sticks together for perfect snowballs).

And there wasn’t a dry eye in the church.

in the desert

2011-11-23T09:52:00.000-06:00

She stands in the desert (alone, alone, alone).

The sun hangs low overhead (scorching, huge, unavoidable).

A hot wind blows, sending a curling wave of red sand along the ground and up into her eyes, her nose, her mouth. No effort is made to wipe it away. It’s happened before, it will happen again.

She walks. She’s lost her map (her way, her guide, her direction). But she walks.

She is thirsty (parched). She wishes for rain to cleanse (refresh, renew) the soil. It’s been too long and the landscape has grown hard (cracked, barren, empty). Crevices appear, slicing through the earth. She should watch where she steps.

It rained once (a month ago? a year?) Not a lot but enough. Enough for one day. Enough to feed the soil. Enough to grow a sprout (a bud, a shoot, life). She had plucked that sprout and held it in her mouth (chewed, savored, swallowed). It was enough. Enough for one day. Enough to feed her soul. Enough to replenish her for one more day.

But when the day was over, the clouds were gone and the sun came back and the ground dried up and the wind blew the sand in her eyes and her nose and her mouth as she stood again in the desert (alone, alone, alone).

Smile

2011-11-14T13:38:00.004-06:00

Things that have been making me smile lately:

Hubs and Munchie made me breakfast in bed yesterday. Not sure what I did to deserve that, but it was lovely. And then after church we went out for lunch and I had a humungous chicken burger with bacon and cheese and lettuce and tomato and deep fried onion rings. It was not something I'd ever typically order, but it was absolutely what my belly was asking for. (And then it didn't ask for anything else for the rest of the day.)

(ARGH! I just googled the burger so that I could show you this yummy picture, and discovered that it has 1020 calories. Good think I didn't eat for the rest of the day!)

My mom called last night and left Munchie a message wishing her sweet dreams and a fun day at Day Care today. I love that my parents (a) love my daughter like crazy, (b) remember things like Munchie not having school today (that's why she's at Day Care), (c) call for her, not me. (I mean that in a good way. I'm happy they call me too, but about half the time when they call I answer the phone and they ask for her. I think it's awesome.)

Fresh snow on the rooftops and tree branches this morning. (This didn't technically make me happy, but typically snow makes me very grouchy, so the fact that I looked at and thought "pretty" is significant.)

Munchie being so excited to wear her new snow boots this morning.

Crossing three Christmas gifts off my list over my lunch hour.

The warm feeling in the palm of my hand as I carried my first Peppermint Mocha across the street from Starbucks.

And then ohmygoodness, the first sip!

The soup recipes that I keep finding. They make my mouth water and I want to make all of them. Except Munchie probably wouldn't eat any of them.

Tomorrow night Munchie and I are going to our NHL team's Skills Competition. Actual game tickets are sold out for the next 3 years or something ridiculous, but I did manage to get us tickets for tomorrow and Munchie is PUMPED.

Oh and as an update to a couple of posts ago: my mother in law is doing better, and we did find a new car to buy (and it's the color I wanted and it's currently on the production line!)

My first other half

2011-11-08T20:21:00.005-06:00

I talked to my brother earlier tonight. He let me know that my sister in law is pregnant with their second child! She is due at the beginning of April, but will likely have a c-section at the end of March due to the issues she had at the end of her first pregnancy.

A new niece or nephew! A new cousin for Munchie! I'm so happy for us, I'm so happy for them. I'm so happy.

And so.... something else. "Sad" is not the right word. There's probably an old-fashioned word to describe how I feel. Melancholy? Forlorn? Wistful?

(Disclaimer: I love my child. I love my family. I thank thefathersonandholyspirit and my lucky stars that we're all here and healthy and together.)

But I would have loved another baby. I would have loved for Munchie to have a sibling. That. More. Than. Anything.

I recently found out that one of my bloggy friends is an only child. And she's awesome. And it made me feel better. I know that Munchie has advantages over kids who share parents. We talked about it a bit tonight. Munchie says she would like a little sister to play Barbies with, but she wouldn't like it when I would have to leave her alone to put this hypothetical sister to bed.

When I put Munchie to bed tonight, she asked me about the best part of having a brother. And I was thankful for the dark of her bedroom as tears streaked down my cheeks. Because it's not one thing or a thousand things. It's just... he was there. For all of it. And he remembers things nobody else does and we laugh about things nobody else would. Even though we don't see each other enough or even talk or email enough, he's still there.

Like he's always been.

And that is the greatest gift my parents have ever given me.

Random

2011-11-04T20:33:00.002-05:00

I framed some pictures today. Finally. It's only been forever. The pictures aren't up on the wall yet though. That might take forever too, but I thought I should wait for Hubs to get home before I committed to holes in the walls.

We might have found a new car to buy. It sounds like a really great deal. however it is the one color that I said I didn't want. Which is a really spoiled-brat sort of problem to have. I'm sure I'll get over it once I get a big whiff of that new car smell.

My mother in law is in the hospital. Sounds like she has a bunch of blood clots in her lungs which is never a good thing. Hopefully she's feeling better soon. Munchie worries about her which is sweet and heart breaking at the same time.

I was at a conference today. It was fun to sit and listen and take notes and learn. But I nearly died of jealousy when my coworker won the $100 spa gift card door prize. She won it last year too. Bitch. (Just kidding, she's awesome.)

Halloween was fun. The weather was amazing and Munchie had a blast. One day I'll get the pictures off my camera.

I had some kind of vasovagal reaction in a Safeway bathroom this week. It was similar to FastLane's story except there was nobody there to hold my head.

I need to find more lunch-box options for Munchie's school lunches. Ideas anybody? She doesn't have access to a microwave, which limits the options.

We've been watching a lot of hockey lately (Go Jets Go!) Watching hockey with Munchie is hilarious. She gets very excited and involved. It's too bad that every.single.game. is sold out. I'm hoping we luck into tickets somehow this winter.

The week that was

2011-10-28T09:44:00.003-05:00

Ahhh.... home sweet home.

Our trip to the homeland went as well as it could. The funeral was horribly sad as expected and it broke my heart into a million pieces to see my cousins so sad. But it was great to see them and hug them 457 times in the few hours we got to spend together. The hotel was as seedy as we expected. The beds were new and comfy (and bug free as far as we could tell) so we chose to focus on that and not the suspicious stains on the carpet. Or the lack of hot water. Or telephones to call for help. The plastic animals scattered on the lawn in front of the hotel added a lot of class though. If I wasn't so lazy I'd upload the pictures to show you.

Yesterday me and a friend went to see the new Michael Jackson Cirque de Soleil show. It just didn't work. Which was disappointing because I usually LOVE cirque de soleil shows. This one? Eh. After the show, we walked out of the arena to my friend's car. After driving a couple of blocks we realized that she had a flat tire. And hey! I think there were only two people in the whole world who didn't have cell phones in their purses last night and guess who they were? Yep! Us! Awesome! We made the possibly foolish decision to drive a couple of blocks (okay five or six) to a gas station. We hoped to blow up the tire enough to just get back to her house. We got to the gas station and put air in. And more air and more air and more air and more air. And it didn't really look like it was making much of a difference. But my friend was getting panicky. She had left her 3 boys with a new babysitter and had assured the babysitter she would be home by now. So into the car we go. After a few blocks the tire started smoking. And so that's when we stopped. And walked. And walkedandwalkedandwalkedandwalked. Thankfully we were in a lovely residential area. But unfortunately nice residential areas don't have pay phones or businesses open at midnight. So we enjoyed a nice 45 mile walk (okay kidding, but it was far) in the rain. If we hadn't have been fretting about the new babysitter and the smoking car and the threat of being mugged and/or killed, it would have been lovely.

So don't leave home with out your cell phone and a spare tire. And learn how to actually put that spare tire on your car. (Because really, even if we'd had a spare we wouldn't have exactly known what to do with it.) And don't bother going to see the MJ Cirque show. Really, everybody should just stay home where it's warm and drink tea.

You're welcome.

Instead

2011-10-24T15:26:00.001-05:00

Instead of feeling sad about being at my uncle’s funeral on Wednesday, I’m going to be thankful that I get to spend time with family I don’t see often enough, and grateful for the opportunity to hug them when they’re hurting.

Instead of being annoyed that the only civilized hotels are booked and we’re staying in a flea-bag motel on the highway, I’ll enjoy the fact that most rooms are filled with aunts, uncles, and cousins, and it’s probably an experience we’ll remember for years. (The bedbugs we’re sure to bring home with us are bound to last a few months at least!)

Instead of complaining about having the middle seat in the backseat of my parents’ car for 12 hours, I’ll be thankful that I’ve got a mom and a dad and a grandma and a grandpa to make the trip with. (and oh my goodness so thankful for my ipod and ear phones).

Instead of fretting about being away on an evening that Hubby can’t make it home until late o’clock, I’ll be grateful for neighbours who don’t mind adopting my child for most of their busy evening, and I’ll be appreciative of my husband for adjusting his schedule so Munchie can get to bed before turning into a pumpkin.

Instead of stressing about this being a busy time to be away from work, I’ll be thankful that I’ve got a great job-share partner and a supportive boss who both make it as easy as possible to be away.

Instead of letting Munchie break my heart about leaving her “just like always” (whaaa?!) I’ll kiss her sweet head and be thankful for this relatively easy first foray into death and dying for her sensitive little soul.

2011-10-21T19:04:00.003-05:00

My uncle died today. He was one of my favorite people. And he was only 66 years old.

Go hug somebody you love.

Just for fun

2011-10-12T14:16:00.002-05:00

I've been working on that photo book for my parents' 40th. Not that anybody cares (besides you Kristi... maybe?) but here are some of the pictures I've unearthed.

My parents' wedding July 1971.

Headed to a friend's wedding in 1973. My mom is 7 months pregnant with my brother.

That's me in my mom's arms. I'm only a month or so old. And my mom is wearing a bikini.

I'm going to guess 1978 or 1979.

Dressed up for my aunt and uncle's wedding in 1982. I'm 6.

Good times, good times.

Thanksgiving

2011-10-11T09:39:00.001-05:00

It was Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada this past weekend, and while I’m well aware that I have a multitude of things to be thankful for, at times the weekend felt kind of empty.

The Thanksgivings of my childhood were full of family. Full of cousins and noise and chaos and too many people to seat at one table. Full of kitchens packed with aunts in aprons and living rooms of uncles watching football.

And the reality of my family now is very different from that. My child is an only child, there are no siblings to play with or argue with. Four of her cousins live in different time zones. The two cousins who live close by have divorced parents and were spending this holiday with their mom.

So it was quiet. And while I’m usually a big fan of ‘quiet’, it feels wrong on Thanksgiving weekend.

However. It is what it is.

What I need to remind myself is that while Munchie won’t have the same Thanksgiving experiences that I had at her age, it doesn’t mean it can’t be special for her too.

Maybe she’ll remember that we got to sleep in for three days in a row. That we went out for a special brunch after church. That she got a whole pumpkin pie all for herself because nobody else likes it much. That we had family pictures taken in the crunchy fall leaves. That we went to the movies and stayed up late.

There have been a few things lately that have reminded me that I can’t recreate my childhood for Munchie. Her experiences will be different and it’s up to Hubs and I to figure out what traditions her memories will hold.

I guess I should consider this Thanksgiving weekend my advanced warning to put some thought into making some special Christmas memories this year. There won’t be aunts in aprons, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be awesome.

things i think about

2011-10-05T14:32:00.002-05:00

Things I am currently obsessing over:

1. We’re getting family pictures taken next Monday. A girl at work does photography on the side and is doing a fundraiser right now to earn some money to give to another co-worker who was recently diagnosed with leukemia. For only $50 we’re getting a 90 minute photo shoot, two 5x7s and the CD of all the pictures. It’s a fantastic deal and a great cause and I’m really excited. But of course now I’m checking the forecast every 14 minutes (currently the weather is expected to be a mix of sun and clouds with a high of 17 degrees Celsius (63 F)). Sounds like a perfect fall day. (As opposed to today’s 28/82 degrees. Not that I'm complaining. Summer can stick around as long as it wants.)

2. As well as obsessing about the weather, I’m obsessing about what we’re going to wear. I want to be coordinated, but not too matchy-matchy. My latest plan has Munchie in grey leggings and a tunic-thing with grey/pink/cream stripes, Hubs in a dark charcoal sweater, and me in the new light purple sweater I bought on my lunch hour. I think it should work out okay.

3. Thank you Pinterest for the great family photography pose ideas. I am also regularly stalking the site for more ideas. I’m sure the photographer will have her own ideas too, but hello? Have you met me? (hashtag: type A).

Things I am currently not obsessing over, though I wish I was:

1. Playoff baseball. I’m so sad that my Red Sox had a cataclysmic end to their season in September and missed the playoffs. Oh well. I might feel a bit better if Detroit manages to eliminate the Yankees.

Things I should be obsessing over, but am not:

1. Christmas shopping. I know it’s only October, but I always, always start super early. That way I actually genuinely enjoy it. The few odd gifts that do end up being left until the last minute make me crazy.

2. I decided that for my parents’ 40th Anniversary this year I was going to make them a 40-page photo book with one picture from each of their 40 years together. I’ve had no trouble finding pictures of them for the past dozen years or so in my own photo albums, but I need to go raid their house and photo albums for pictures from the earlier years. My parents are in Europe until next Saturday so I need to get in there, get the photos, get them scanned, and put them back before then. Tomorrow. Maybe.

Where was I?

2011-09-30T09:19:00.004-05:00

I spent last weekend in Vancouver. You should have joined me, it would have been fun. I was originally hoping that Hubs would come along, but due to a "scheduling mishap" (i.e. he never writes anything on the calendar) he was already committed to teaching a course that weekend. Then a girlfriend was hoping to join me, but that didn't work out either. Which is too bad because I had booked a fancy-schmancy hotel with a fancy-schmancy spa right downtown in the middle of all the action.

Aside: Staying in a fancy-shmancy hotel is lovely, except I felt too intimidated to eat alone in their fancy-schmancy restaurant and too cheap to pay for their fancy-schmancy wifi. Thankfully Starbucks was right across the street (as those of you who received emailed pictures of my lattes are well aware.)

Anyway, the weekend was nice. The weather was crappy, but the spa was loooovely. At one point I thought they had magically removed all my bones and I had become a melted gelatinous blob on the massage table. (I mean that in the best way possible).

My appointment with Dr. Wonderful was okay too. The foot he most recently operated on is crooked - I walk on the outside edge of my foot. It's very uncomfortable to walk in bare feet, but in good shoes, it's not terrible. He said he could go back in and try to fix it, but that it would be another big surgery and I'd be "back to square one". So no thanks. Not now. If things get worse than perhaps that's an option later. Much later. At the end of the appointment, Dr. Wonderful said - "Oh! There's somebody here you need to meet!" Turns out he is currently training a surgeon who will be returning to my city next summer to set up her Foot/Ankle practice 10 minutes from my house. So as long as I can avoid any problems between now and next summer, I won't be making any more trips out to Vancouver.

I described this to some of my friends as "Happysad". I am glad that I don't have to do all the big, expensive travelling anymore. But Dr. Wonderful! He's so wonderful! And I trust him. And he's really skilled. (and handsome).

But it will be great to have somebody local. Especially somebody who trained with Dr. Wonderful and has that relationship with him so that if she has any questions or anything, he's only a phone call away. He said something along those lines, and it made me feel better.

Other things:

* Munchie got her school pictures back. I don't love them, but it's not worth risking re-takes.

* I'm going to a football game tonight. I will be wearing mittens and many layers of clothing. Why didn't I just tell Hubs to take a friend so I could stay home and drink tea and watch Grey's Anatomy from last night?

* Our schedule from now until Christmas gives me heart palpitations. I'm totally planning on having a lazy day today, because I feel with certainty that I won't have another until 2012.

* Pinterest has turned out to be the timesuck I knew it would. (I'm Lyndsay0676 by the way.)

* I had a really great performance review at work this week. 'Pats on the back' generally make me completely uncomfortable, but this one felt better that I expected. Maybe it was more of a relief than anything - last week the I.T. guys were 'cleaning up' my computer. The next morning at work, my supervisor stopped by my desk and said - "We're going to do your performance review tomorrow morning, okay?" So I spent the rest of the day thinking I would be fired for reading blogs and browsing etsy... But I didn't get fired... I actually got a raise, which is always nice. And no mention of my internet history. Phew! Safe for another year.

sob

2011-09-21T15:50:00.002-05:00

He doesn't want to leave me. I can tell.

AP Photo/Keystone/Steffen Schmidt

Where I'm From

2011-09-20T13:10:00.002-05:00

(I first read about this on Erin's blog, though I know it's been making the rounds.)

Where I’m From:

I am from books. From Charlie perfume and music in the family room.

I am from the house at the top of the hill, beige and light beige and dinner at the dining room table.

I am from the sweet peas climbing up the stuccoed wall, wild asparagus, and the lilac bush.

I am from tinsel placed strand by strand, from summers at the cabin and happy hour on the deck. From Blake’s and Nicholas’, Yalland’s and Biletsky’s.

I am from Mother’s Day brunches, slap your knee laughter, and spit polish car washes.

I am from the good girls and the strong boys, from the stoic fathers and anxious mothers.

From ‘don’t let them get you down’ and ‘only sign your name to your best work.’

From the Catholic who went and then didn’t and went and then didn’t, and the Protestant who never did.

I’m from England and the Ukraine, from Yorkshire pudding and perogies.

From square hamburgers, a fear of thunder, and a farm truck full of pigs. From hidden war medals, untold stories, and fancy drinks like the grown ups.

I am from telling stories around a kitchen table in a farmhouse in the middle of the prairie. I’m from sitting politely in a high rise condo on the river.

I’m from waving as the car drives away. From hummingbird feeders and Christmas vacations.

I’m from being there when it matters.

{smile}

2011-09-13T07:55:00.002-05:00

Sometimes in the mornings when I send Munchie up to her bedroom to get dressed, she picks out her prettiest clothes, and accessorizes appropriately, and strikes a pose, and wants me to take her picture, and I think she must be turning 16 next week.

And then sometimes when Munchie is getting ready for bed, she pulls her undies right up over her nightgown and I think... okay, my baby still needs me.

I Remember

2011-09-11T18:49:00.002-05:00

I was working at a medium-sized General Hospital on the southern edge of the city. I was walking back to my office after my morning breakfast/coffee break and Boyfriend (now Hubby) met me in the hallway.

"A plane flew into the World Trade Center." he said.

I probably said - "whoa", or "really? no way!" or something like that. Those words didn't really explain what had happened. I pictured some small hobby plane hitting one of the gigantic buildings and bouncing back down to the ground. Yikes - maybe it fell on some people! Maybe the pilot died! How awful.

I headed up to the ward to get to work, and when I got there noticed the silence. Staff huddled around radios, stunned looks on their faces, mouths agape and heads slowly shaking.

I had a meeting that morning and so we turned on the TV in the conference room. We didn't talk about patient-care that morning. We watched, unable to turn away, barely able to speak.

But elsewhere in the hospital, plans were being put into place. Our hospital, here in the middle of Canada was preparing to receive patients - victims from New York. Other cities in Eastern Canada - Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto - would receive them first, but we needed to be ready. After all, there were thousands of people in those towers.

The conference room beside my office was emptied of tables, chairs, and overhead projectors. It was readied for patients, oxygen tanks, and IV poles.

But as the day went on, the sickening realization set in - we wouldn't be needed. Neither would Montreal, Ottawa, or Toronto. There were not enough patients, only to many victims.

We had been told to be prepared to stay. Indefinitely. But Boyfriend and I walked out the door at 4:30 just like any other day.

But it wasn't.

It never will be.

I remember.

First of first

2011-09-09T13:51:00.006-05:00

It was Munchie's first day of Grade 1 yesterday! She was very excited.

Away we go! (I'm so thankful we live close enough to school to walk.)

It was slightly disconcerting to arrive at her classroom and find a different teacher waiting for her (!?), but that didn't stop her from diving right in and getting to work.

Incoherent Thoughts

2011-09-06T19:08:00.003-05:00

According to every second person on Twitter, Pumpkin Spice Lattes have apparently returned to Starbucks. I do enjoy a Pumpkin Spice latte, but the temperature needs to drop a few degrees first. It is still SUMMER here. Which is great and I will not complain or wish fall here faster than it will arrive on it's own. Because even though I'm kind of tired of rotating through the same three pairs of capri pants, I will be so freaking tired of my winter clothes in no time at all.

Munchie's school does staggered entry for Kindergarten and Grade 1. Since our last name falls near the end of the alphabet, she will have her first day of Grade 1 on the second day of school - Thursday. It was like this last year too. She can attend the first day of school if she wants, but she has to stay in the Day Care all day. We didn't do that last year. Spending the first day of Kindergarten in the day care seemed rather anti-climactic. Instead she spent that 'first' day with my parents and on her first day Hubs and I walked her to her Kindergarten classroom, took the pictures, all that ceremonial stuff. This year? Much less ceremonial. Tomorrow on the first day of school, she will be dropped off at the day care where she will spend the day. Sorry kid, party's over.

I have now been exercising 6 days out of 7 for more than 5 weeks. And the needle on the scale hasn't budged. I'm finding that rather disappointing. When I whined to Hubs, he responded with something about 'health benefits', and 'gaining muscle' and blah blah. Whatever. I just want to see a different number on the scale.

Doing things like making apple crisp (Sunday), going out for dinner (Monday), and baking cookies (today) probably don't help move that needle.

When Munchie sees us watching the Red Sox on TV, she always asked who they are "versing". As in one team versus another. I never correct her. She speaks too corrrectly already, I need to hang on to as many mispronounciations as possible.

Hubs and I are going to a concert tomorrow night - Maroon 5 and Train. I bought tickets for Hubs for Father's Day even though he's not really into music in general, or either band in particular. Basically, I wanted to go and needed somebody to sit beside. I'm really surprised he hasn't bugged me about this yet.

I'm off to do some pointless (I mean healthfully beneficial) biking now. The stationary kind in front of my TV since Hubs works late.

Thank you all for writing such great posts lately. Seriously. Sometimes I don't write because I feel so unworthy of any audience. You're all inspirational and wonderful and funny and lovely.

Mmmmwah!

Wicked Awesome

2011-09-01T12:05:00.003-05:00

The Broadway musical 'Wicked' is currently on tour and performing in my city. I love musicals, but wasn't going to go because it is so crazy expensive (as in $140 for the good seats... plus taxes and assorted agencies fees).

But then!

A friend found out that every night before the show there is a lottery for 20 orchestra (i.e. good!) seats for only $25! This friend went to check it out on the weekend - only 27 people showed up for the lottery. They draw 10 names and each person gets 2 tickets, so only 7 people went home empty handed.

Neighbour-friend and I decided to give it a shot. So we rushed downtown after work and found... at least 200 people waiting in a line that stretched from hither to yon to enter their name in the lottery.

Sigh.

What are the chances that out of 200 people, one of the 10 names drawn will be mine or Neighbour-friend's?

(Well, approximately 1%.)

But it worked!!! I was the 6th name called! We even had time to run down the street to a mexican restaurant for fish tacos and margaritas before the show.

The show we watched from the 3rd row.

For $25.

I love it when Wicked awesome things happen.

Sick Day

2011-08-29T08:02:00.002-05:00

I've been quiet for a while. Not for any particular reason. I've been reading though - reading about those of you preparing from (and recovering from) hurricanes, reading about your Blogher experiences, and reading about your kids heading off for a new school year.

I guess I've been quiet because things here have been quiet. There are no hurricanes (thankfully. Just amazingly gorgeous summer weather that hasn't stopped for weeks and weeks.), I didn't go to Blogher (sadly. Every year I read your posts and wish I'd been there.), and Munchie doesn't head back to school until next week.

And today I'm especially quiet. Because my throat. Ohdearlord my throat. Hubs was sick last week and I should NOT have let him breathe near me. Other than my surgeries, this is the first time I've been sick enough to miss work in years.

So my plans for the day include:

- find some sort of lozenge-type-item to suck on. Though I'm guessing Hubs probably finished those off last week. But I'm desperate. It might even be worth leaving the house for.

- finish the trashy book I'm reading so that I can start reading something better.

- nap.

- get Munchie registered for swimming lessons. On-line registration for our city programs opens at 9:00 am this morning and it's always a gong-show and usually takes over an hour to get into the system and registered. I hope this doesn't cut into my nap time.

- I may even set myself up on the couch this afternoon and watch a chick-flick.

Any suggestions?

The good, the bad, the happy, the sad

2011-08-22T11:02:00.002-05:00

Good!

Munchie's granny wanted her for a sleepover this weekend, so Hubs and I got to go on a date. We had dinner at one of our favorite Italian restaurants where I had some kind of delicious linguine with prawns and tomatoes and feta cheese and other deliciousness. Then we went to see 'Stupid Crazy Love'. It was good. I laughed. And I bawled. And then laughed and bawled some more. But it was good. (The next night Hubs had to watch 'Rambo' in order to counteract the relationshippy movie.)
***

Bad!

Stacia! What have you done to yourself?! Go send Stacia some love. She was in Tuscany vacationing with her husband, had some kind of Vespa accident, broke her leg and needed surgery. In Italy! While her kids were in Romania! Gah!
***

Happy!

Yesterday my family got together in my aunt and uncle's back yard to celebrate my "little" cousin's graduation from M.I.T. Yep, *the* M.I.T. in Boston. She is one smart cookie and we're all so crazy proud of her. It was a beautiful afternoon. Everybody was happy, the food was plentiful and delicious, the champagne was cold and bubbly, the kids stayed in the pool the whole time, laughing and splashing (they even ate their dinners in their bathing suits beside the pool), and it all just felt really, really nice.
***

Sad!

My mom told me this weekend that my parents plan to put our family cabin up for sale next spring. I know they don't need the hassle of another property and I know we (Hubs, Munchie and I) don't use it enough for my parents to hang onto it "for us", but I'm so sad. It is such a piece of me, such a piece of my past. There is no feeling in the world like laying on the couch in the living room with the fresh, fresh air breezing through the big window while you stare up at the green, green leaves against the blue, blue sky. I'm tearing up just thinking about losing the place, though I know I haven't taken advantage of it like I should have these past few years. I don't work this Thursday or Friday, so Hubs suggested that Munchie and I head out to the cabin for a couple of days. But I think I might just be a big mess, thinking about our *last* trip to the beach, our *last* night in the bunkhouse, our *last* bike ride to the bakery. I'm not sure I want that.

Globetrotters

2011-08-09T09:25:00.004-05:00

We took a trip around the world this weekend.

I've probably told you this already, but my mom was a teacher. So my brother and I spent every day of every summer at our family cabin. The city we live in has a pretty impressive summer line-up of concerts and festivals and such, but because we spent all summer at the lake, we never went to any of it.

So. Folklorama. For two weeks in August, more than 30 pavilions spring up around the city in school gyms, churches, and community centers. Each pavilion represents a country and has food, entertainment, and local crafts and items for sale. I was skeptical - I pictured hot, crowded gymnasiums; food I wouldn't like; and loud folk music that would give me a headache. (I'm a lot of fun, arent' I?!) Well, Munchie and Hubs were keen, so off we went.

First stop - Ireland!

Munchie liked it when we walked into the hall and somebody said - "Welcome to Ireland!" She thought maybe we really were in Ireland. Turns out Irish dancing is pretty cool and even our local dancers are rather impressive. The big huge curly wigs they all wore were kind of distracting though. The meal was "Bangers and Mash" (i.e. sausage and mashed potatoes), a slice of meat pie, and some sort of soda bread. Munchie ate the sausage and bread. I ate the mashed potatoes. Hubs ate a full plate and then our meat pie. Munchie polished off the apple-crisp-type dessert before I could remind her that we were sharing a plate. Munchie bought herself an Irish flag on our way out and deemed our first stop a success.

Next stop - Korea!

Somehow we ended up with seats right in front of the stage. The line-up for food was too long to bother with (according to Hubs who was full of Bangers and Mash. I really could have gone for some Korean dumplings and sushi. But he had a point. Okay, he was right - I would have missed half the show.) There was an amazing drum dance, an okay fan dance, a rather weak but funny dance with little kids who looked like they would rather be anywhere but there. Then there was a spectacular Taekwondo demonstration. Like - SPEC. TAC. U. LAR. For example - have 14 of your friends get down on the floor Child's Pose-style. Then take four steps and do a flying side kick over top of all of them. Oh and after you've flown over the 14th person, break a board with your foot.

So apparently thousands and thousands of people are right, and Folklorama is worth seeing.

The next day we went to... The Ukraine!

My great grandma was Ukrainian so the food at this pavilion tasted like a plate full of my childhood. Perogies, garlic sausage, holopchi (cabbage rolls) and rye bread.

And now I'm hooked. I've been thumbing through the guide book over the past couple of days trying to figure out how to see more pavilions before the festival ends on Saturday.

Hubs heard good reviews about Brazil:

I want to go to Italy and sample every single food they have to offer:

Munchie really wants to see China:

And Russia.
Looks like our passport will be full!!

(Pictures: Ireland, Korea, Ukraine, Brazil, Italy, China, Russia)

Summer Vacation 2011

2011-07-31T16:33:00.010-05:00

We're back from vacation! The suitcases are unpacked, the laundry has been washed, dried, and put away; and I'm ready to put my feet up. It wasn't necessarily a relaxing vacation - but it was jam-packed with lots of fun things that kept a perpetual smile on Munchie's face. And more than anything else, that's what was supposed to happen.

In summary...

Day 1 - Maid of the Mist boat tour to the falls and dinner at the Rainforest Cafe.

Day 2 - Marineland! We petted (pet? patted?) some beluga whales, and Munchie rode all the rides. She is on that roller coaster. That big huge freaking roller coaster.

Day 3 - Beach day. At night we walked back to the falls and goofed around at some of the pretty gardens nearby. This is the only day that didn't cost us roughly 40 bajillion dollars. But that's what vacations are about too, right?!

Day 4 - Safari Niagara. We saw lots of animals. Munchie got roared at (like, really roared at) by a lion, we fed giraffes (love giraffes), did some fishing, some paddle boating, and cooled off at the splash pad. That night we went to a magic show that blew Munchie's mind. It was very cool (and magical and mysterious), but for a 6-year old? Paper turning into doves? Ladies turning into tigers? Blew. Her. Mind.

Day 5 - One last glimpse of the falls and a drive back to Toronto to fly home.

The end.

Virtual Coffee

2011-07-19T09:56:00.003-05:00

If we were meeting for coffee today, I'd drag you away from Starbucks and take you for tea instead. It's my latest obsession - David's Tea. There is one in the mall across from my work (and if we were meeting today that's where we'd have to be. I can't stretch my break much longer than half an hour though, sorry.) There's promotion on right now. If you buy this bottle,

you get $1 iced tea re-fills all summer. They have 125 different teas so it's kind of intimidating, but I'll order for you if you want. I recommend Jessie's Tea (lavender, rooibos, coconut, and sunflowers! Crazy, I know, but trust me!) I might try the Strawberry Rhubarb.

I don't know if you'll want to sit outside today, it's going to be 37 degrees Celsius (that's 99 F!) With the humidex, if feels like 48 c/118 F. I'm trying not to worry about my poor kiddo at Zoo Camp today. I hope they're hosing the kids off regularly.

As we sit (in the shade maybe, because I would like to be outside, my office is so cold), I'd tell you about our vacation plans for next week. It turned out to be Plan B, but that's okay. Plan A was a week in San Diego, which would have been amazing. (Plus I could have met Jen.) But for a few reasons (Hubby's fault Hubby's fault Hubby's fault) that plan didn't work out. But we will be spending the week in and around Niagara Falls. Munchie was fighting back the tears of joy when we told her we were taking her to Marineland. It's going to be fun, and I'm excited to go. I just wish we had a suite as opposed to a regular hotel room so that we could put the kiddo to bed and watch a movie or something. I see that being a bit of a challenge. Hubs suggested that while I put Munchie to bed, he'll go work out in the exercise room, then he'll come back to the room to shower while I go to the exercise room. BAAA HAA HAAA HAAA.... I think I'll just take a book to the lobby and read for half an hour. Take the stairs back up to the room so I 'glow' a bit.....

Well, you haven't called yet, so I think I'll head out for my tea now. Hope to meet you there!
(or at the very least, meet me and others at Amy's!)

Summer Camp

2011-07-18T10:23:00.001-05:00

As an only child, Munchie is able to monopolize our attention and affection. However, as an only child she is also able to monopolize my worry and anxiety.

Summer camp is the latest source of my worry and anxiety. My mom was a teacher, so I never participated in any sort of summer camp. On the last day of school we would all pile into the car with a summer's worth of books and clothes and dry grocery items and gin and head to the cabin for eight hot, long, sunny weeks. By the end of the summer our skin would be bronzed, our hair streaked blonde by the sun, and our feet as tough as leather from hours spent on the sandy beach.

But Munchie will have a different summer experience. Months ago I was gathering pamphlets and scanning websites, piecing together her summer week by week. Scribbling notes on scraps of paper "Rabbit Rangers Nature Camp.. 2 litterless snacks and water shoes... Zoo Camp... take bathing suit on Friday..."

Last week was Beach Camp. It seems that Beach Camp involved summer/beach themed crafts and games each morning and splashing in the wading pool each afternoon. Thursday was the day of their big excursion - a day at the beach. I had assumed that they would go to one of the three popular beaches just outside the city - a 30-40 minute drive. No, they were off to the beach and waterslides at the big 'touristy' beach an hour and a half away. I worried about her all day - it's so far! Waterslides can be scary! The UV index is really high - is somebody helping her with her sunscreen? Making sure she wears her hat? Drinks lots of water? Are school buses air conditioned? It's so far! Is there adequate supervision? Will they make sure she doesn't drown? She's the youngest in the group! It's so far!

I arrived at the community centre to meet the bus a few minutes earlier than the 3:30 scheduled return time. I figured Munchie would be exhausted and teary and ready to be home. At 3:45 there was still no bus. Not at 4:00 either. Another mother said she had heard there was a 3-car pile up on the highway and that traffic was really backed up. It was hard not to picture my baby girl, sunburned, dehydrated, and exhausted sitting on a boiling school bus on a highway. If it was me on that bus, I probably would have cried a bit.

At 5:00 (FIVE O'CLOCK!) the bus pulled up. (I didn't run to it like a crazy person... but I sort of really wanted to.) Munchie came bounding (bounding!) off the bus with a HUGE smile on her face. "Mommy I went down the biggest waterslide head first two times and we had a sand castle contest but there were no winners but I won a water gun in a race and we stopped at a gas station to pee and I went on the waterslides a hundred times and I swam underwater and our bus driver got lost and I had the best day!"

Why do I worry about this kid?

Today was the first day of Zoo Camp. I dropped her off in a room full of kids she doesn't know, to the care of instructors she doesn't know. The drop-off room is full of snakes and smells bad. It's hot. She doesn't know where the bathroom is or what to expect for the rest of the day. Again, if that was me I'd probably cry a little. But Munchie? She gave me a kiss good bye and said "This is going to be FUN!"

Believe it or not, that's my girl.

Wanna go for a bike ride?

2011-07-15T11:32:00.007-05:00

I've got a dozen or so half-formed blog post ideas floating around in my head, but for now - how about a bike ride? One of the things I really like about where we live, is the proximity to some nice paved trails. I used to run these paths, but these days? I need some wheels.

This forest is only a couple of blocks from our house. More often than not I meet some deer. Not today though. But here are some trees!

In hindsight, I'm not sure why I never worried about being dragged off the path by a lunatic during my solo early morning runs, but I didn't.

As we emerge from the trail, we'll see the entrace to the zoo on our left. That's got to be the most underwhelming "Zoo" sign on earth. Munchie will be spending next week at Zoo camp.

Just past the zoo entrance, we'll ride beside this golf course for a while. I was part of a women's golf league at this course one summer. It was fun. I sort of wish I had some friends who golfed. But I don't.

Now we'll pass the entrance to our big city park. We're very lucky to live so close to it. One of my best friends was married at the pavillion - the big castle-type building in the distance. I was a bridesmaid. We wore yellow. It was about 400 degrees that day.

Now we need to turn right. We're riding along the other side of the golf course. Hi geese!

And now we're passing the pretty buildings of the Canadian Mennonite University. My cousin is a student there.

I used to spend every Saturday there, coaching gymnastics.

We've passed the University now and we're back into the forest.

I wondered if beavers had done this. Then I thought probably not. Then there was a big splash.

So then it was time to hurry off. Beavers scare me.

There are a whole lot of bullrushes along the trail.

And now it's raining so let put the camera away. But that's okay because we're back home again.

Thanks for coming along with me!

Long Weekend

2011-07-04T19:29:00.003-05:00

Happy 4th of July to those of you south of the border! We were also lucky enough to have a long weekend here - Canada Day was Friday.

On Friday, Hubs and I dropped Munchie off for a visit with her Granny and we went and had a drink on a sunny patio. We were the only people in the whole place - I think the rest of the city was at the beach. Hubs ordered himself a dozen chicken wings (blech!), but the waitress mistakenly brought us a dozen shrimp (yum!). So I got to munch on those while he waited for his wings.

We also went to a street festival for a while. We usually go to the more family-oriented Canada Day festivities at the big park closer to our house, but decided to try something new this year. It was mostly just loud and crowded and hot. With the occasional waft of marijuana. We did see a young girl who was selling homemade jewelery to help pay for her trip to the 14th World Gymnaestrada in Switzerland this month. I was part of Team Canada for the 10th World Gymnaestrada in Berlin in 1995. So I blabbered on and on to the cute little girl about how this was such a fantastic opportunity and the chance of a lifetime and how she would be making memories that would last her whole long life... and she probably just wanted the crazy old mom-lady to buy some jewelery and move along. So Munchie got a bracelet and Hubs managed to push me on to the next vendor.

Later that night, I got on my bike and rode to watch the fireworks by myself. That was sort of weird, but Hubs was on the phone with his brother in Florida and Munchie was sleeping and I was bored, so why not? It was cool (in the way that fireworks are) and I wished I had woken up Munchie to come with me. Next year.

On Saturday Hubs went golfing, so Munchie and I were on our own. We did some shopping, checked out the community center where she will be attending 'camp' next week, and then spent the rest of the afternoon at the splash pad.

Yesterday we drove an hour out of town to a small waterslide park. It's the perfect size for Munchie. Of course as soon as we arrived at the park there was thunder, lightening, and a torrential downpour, but we waited it out eating our picnic lunch under a slide and enjoyed the rest of the day.

Don't believe me? Here's some proof.

It finally feels like SUMMER!

The daughter formerly know as Munchie

2011-06-24T09:20:00.002-05:00

Maybe it's that she finishes Kindergarten next week. Or maybe it's the new hair cut that makes her look about 12 years old. Or maybe it's that she's nearly as tall as my mom.

Whatever the reason, I've been thinking lately that Munchie has outgrown her blog name.

But I'm stumped for new names.

(Besides the name that, you know, is real... I'm just not sure how I feel about sharing that.)

Thoughts?

Beach Pics

2011-06-22T11:04:00.006-05:00

Playing at the water's edge:

There was a lot of hole-digging:

And then some hole-sitting:

Some beach-running:

Some swinging:

Some police-greeting:

Some baby-snuggling:

Some bakery-shopping:

Some cookie-eating:

Some sailboat-watching:

Some deep-thinking:

And some friendship-building:

Virtual Coffee

2011-06-21T11:14:00.004-05:00

Oh good! It's time for coffee!

With today being the first day of summer, I'd really rather trade in my latte for a peppermint mocha frappachino. However, it's cool and cloudy and looks like rain, so I think I'll stick with the hot stuff.

I did have a summer-ish weekend though, which was nice. Munchie and I escaped the city on Thursday and headed up to my parent's cabin. We spent the next few days visiting with friends we don't see nearly enough, splashing in the waves, digging holes in the sand, playing at the playground and eating bakery treats. It was all kinds of warm and happy and familiar and lovely and so, so good for my soul.

If we were meeting for coffee at my house, I'd ask if you have any idea how to fix my internet. It stopped working for Hubs this weekend and in an attempt to fix it, I fear that I've made the situation much, much worse. In a way, it's nice to be disconnected, until your daughter gets a weird rash and you need to get Dr. Google's opinion.

Yes, that's right. Munchie has a rash. She got it at the lake and we assumed it was a heat rash. But then it didn't go away. We took her to the doctor yesterday to make sure there was nothing infectious happening (Kristi - there isn't. I would have hated myself forever for letting her touch your baby.) His first question was - has she been in a lake or in a hot tub? Check and check. So I would love to blame the lake for the pseudomonas infection on my child's torso, but my Google research tells me our own unsanitary hot tub is most likely to the culprit. I feel moderately mortified about that. My excuse is as follows: we had a stretch or rainy cool weather and weren't using the hot tub. So the chemical levels fell. Last week Munchie wanted to have a soak so I checked the chemicals - they were slightly lower than they should be, but I didn't want to throw in a bunch of chemicals while she was in there. So I did it after she was done. And then these grew on her body.

Or it could have been the lake. I'd like to blame the lake. Stupid irresponsible lake.

Hopefully at this point in our coffee date, you'll tell me about your own child's impetigo or athlete's foot or something just so I don't feel so bad.

I'd ask you about your summer vacation plans. Do you have some? I'd really like to go somewhere this summer. But anywhere worth going is such a long way away. Well, I know that's not entirely true but it feels that way sometimes. And not having internet at home right now makes me wonder how people planned vacations in the pre-Trip Advisor days. Did you just drive somewhere and see what was there? Write a letter asking for a brochure? But what if I want to leave tomorrow?

Anyway, it's a work day, so I should drain this latte and get back to work. Thanks for meeting me! If you're still thirsty, you can join others here!

Firsts

2011-06-15T11:18:00.002-05:00

There's a first time for everything.

We've experience some 'firsts' that were magical - first smiles, first words, first steps.
There were some that were full of joy and sadness at the same time.. like Munchie's first day of Kindergarten
There were some that made my heart nearly burst with pride... Munchie's first solo in front of the church.

And there are some that just plain suck.

Munchie and our neighbours' daughter have been best friends ever since 'J' exited her mom's womb nine months after Munchie exited mine. They are each other's very best friend and their Kindergarten teacher described them as 'as close to siblings as I've ever seen'. They look out for each other, they fight with each other, they share, they compete, they laugh. Oh they laugh.

For the past three years they've been in the same dance and gymnastics classes. Until now, the focus of their classes has been on having fun. Basically, if you show up at the recital and you look cute and you have a smile on your face, the year is a success. Who cares if they don't know a hop from a leap, or a brush from a scuff? Look at the tutus!

However! Apparently the world of gymnastics changes drastically after the age of five. Last week 'J' left class with a purple slip of paper inviting her to register in the competitive stream of classes in the fall. Munchie was given no such slip of purple paper. For a girl who has never doubted that she is amazing, talented, and just generally fantastic this was quite a blow. She wasn't good enough.

And here is it: the first blow to her confidence.

Hubs and I did our best to talk to her about how we all have strengths and talents and different abilities and interests and aptitudes and blah blah blah... but all Munchie could think about was that purple piece of paper. And her tear streaked face broke my freaking heart.

{sigh}

The first boy who breaks her heart is not going to know what hit him.

What you can learn from me this month

2011-06-07T09:09:00.000-05:00

If U2 is visiting your city, you should definitely go.

When there is a stack of books waiting for you at the library, quickly skim through the synopsis on the back cover to avoid lending your mother the one involving h0m0sexu@l er0t1ca.

Choose your library books more carefully. (How did that get on my request list?!)

If your child has had diarrhea during the afternoon, don’t take them to soccer in the evening. There are no bathrooms at the soccer field after all.

If you buy pretty bright blue beach towels, wash them separately the first time or everything else in your load with turn blue-ish. But not in a pretty, bright way.

Go to a movie and then dinner, because if you go to dinner and then a movie you can’t take your leftovers home from the restaurant or else they’ll be sitting in your car for hours growing bacteria and becoming poisonous.

Check the forecast before you go for a pedicure, because if you make your toenails all pretty and then it rains for a week straight, you’ll be disappointed.

You can buy ice cream cakes for less than $27 if you avoid buying them at Dairy Queen. (It wasn’t even that big! $27!)

If you finally decide to make some etsy purchases, make sure your country’s mail carriers aren’t about to go on strike.

When your husband suggests you take your $400 insurance refund and use it to buy yourself clothes, immediately cash the cheque and spend it before the property tax, hydro, phone, and cable bills arrive the next day.

June 3rd

2011-06-03T05:12:00.000-05:00

Septic shock complicated with disseminated intravascular coagulation.

It's a lot of words, but what does it mean to me?

It's a mountain I climbed, a battle I fought, a beast I defeated. It's the reason I know that I'm not (that nobody is) guaranteed tomorrow. It's why I carry a thermometer in my purse. It's why I know the names of several broad-spectrum antibiotics. It's why I never say no to "one more hug mommy". It's the reason why I take two orange pills every day and why a temperature of 38 degrees Celsius earns me a hospital admission every time. It's why I don't have to wait at triage when my surgical wound becomes infected. It's why I want my husband to work less and play more. It's what put me in a coma for six days. It's what probably gave many of my friends and family a bit of PTSD. It's what is causing all my current problems with my feet and ankles. It's why I started noticing the joy in the little things without the conscious intention to do so. It's why I don't leave my friends without hugging them first. It's why I have conversations with Munchie that are possibly inappropriate - about how I will love her forever, whether I'm here or in heaven and about how no matter what happens we'll get to spend forever together in heaven. It's why I should be more appreciative of this vessel that is my body.

It was a curse - bringing pain, fear, disability and uncertainty.

But more importantly, it was a blessing - what nearly killed me left me more alive than I'd ever been.

*****
(More about my septic shock story is here.)
*****
Love to my June 3rd 'sister in survival'!

Blessed

2011-05-25T11:57:00.003-05:00

Today I’m wearing my ‘Blessed’ necklace. I pulled it out of my jumbled, tangle of necklaces only because it matches the pink shirt I’m wearing. But then I got to work and started clicking through the few news websites I check each morning. As I read about more tornados and more devastation I realized I was rubbing the smooth scrabble tile between my fingers. An unconscious reminder - yes, blessed indeed.

We just had a 3-day weekend here in Canada. The May long-weekend, symbolic of the beginning of summer. But not surprisingly, it was not one bit summery. Cool, rainy, windy, and grey. So there were a lot of people complaining. I don’t think I complained… I hope not anyway. We barbequed in the rain, went for a quick bike ride between showers, bundled up to check out the new playground nearby, and drank coffee on the deck instead of iced tea.

Blessed.

My family slept soundly in our house last night. Electricity kept Munchie’s nightlight glowing, as she snuggled with the blankie she has had since birth. She slept secure in the knowledge that her parents were nearby. That the morning would bring things like ‘show and tell’ and a soccer game. Hubs and I shared a snack from our fully stocked pantry as we watched the overtime period of the hockey game. I talked to my mom about her trip to visit my nephew and we made plans to get our nails done on Saturday. Hubs washed the car and had a beer with the neighbor.

We were surrounded by all the blessings in our life – big and small.

My heart breaks at the thought of the children trying to fall asleep without their blankies (or can’thardlythinkaboutit, their parents). Children with autonomic nervous systems that will fly into overdrive at the sound of any future siren. Family photos vanished. Schools and churches annihilated. Homes, families, communities torn apart.

I am so, so blessed.

*****

You can go here to share some blessings with people who need them.

Suddenly

2011-05-14T20:18:00.006-05:00

Suddenly the week-long rain marathon stopped and the sun came out.

Suddenly the grass was green, the buds on the trees burst, and it finally, finally felt like winter was over.

Suddenly the air was thick with the smell of barbequed burgers and steaks.

Suddenly neighbors emerged from their houses and kids on bikes filled the streets.

Suddenly my baby needed a new big-girl bike. Without training wheels.

Suddenly we needed bikinis and sunscreen.

Suddenly the chill is out of my bones.

Suddenly it's summer!

Virtual Coffee

2011-05-05T11:28:00.002-05:00

(I know, it's the wrong day for this, but that's kind of the point of the post.)

Hi! If we were meeting for coffee today, I'd be a bit scrambled. It's been one of those weeks where I truly have no idea what day of the week it is and I write "March" on everything at work. How it came to be May I really have no idea.

So thanks for meeting me for coffee. I think I need this hour (do you have a whole hour?) to just sit and sip and smile and hear about your life.

I'm not sure why I'm feeling like I'm racing in 14 different directions, because for the most part I'm not. Perhaps it started on Monday morning when I showed up for work at 8:30 to learn that I was giving a presentation at 10:30 and did I need a projector or PowerPoint or anything? I happened to be wearing my crappy black pants - the ones that are pilled and the hem has fallen out and the fly is held together with safety pins. When you're worried about your fly popping open, it's a bit more difficult to be at ease with public speaking.

We got a hot tub on the weekend. I guess I could have invited you over to drink your coffee in the hot tub, but I don't think hot tubs and hot beverages go together. Come over tomorrow night and I'll make you a blue martini. They are so delish. They say my hot tub is a four-person hot tub, but I think you'd have to know those four people pretty intimately. I think it's perfect for my family of 2.5 full-grown people. Or for you and I - come on over!

Oh hey! It's Mother's Day this weekend isn't it? I think I'm going to buy my mom a gift certificate for a pedicure. Because chances are I'll end up going with her and getting my own pedicure. And then she'll probably want to take me out for lunch or ice cream or something. My mom's awesome like that.

Munchie's soccer season started last night. I wore - long underwear, jeans, long sleeved shirt, hoodie, parka, mittens. It's always so hard at this point in the year to believe that in a few short weeks I'll be sitting there in a tank top hearing the kids complain about being too hot.

Once our coffee was done, I would hope that you could linger a bit longer. Or maybe wander up the street with me and window shop in some of the cute stores? But if you couldn't I'd thank you for meeting me and slowing me down and making me smile.

Stream of Consciousness

2011-04-27T12:06:00.003-05:00

Easter was nice. I’d post pictures except I didn’t really take many. I did remember to take some pictures when Munchie was hunting for her eggs, but she wouldn’t stand still so I’ve got a bunch of pictures that look like this.

Munchie’s school called me this morning at 10:00 to ask why she wasn’t there. Except I’d dropped her off there two hours earlier. Thankfully the secretary then went looking for her and found her right where she belonged in the Kindergarten classroom. The secretary was very apologetic when she called back, but that five minutes of wondering probably took a year or two off my life.

I had the most delicious fish and shrimp tacos on Monday night. And I washed it down with the most refreshing gin and tonic with citrus slush. I want to eat that meal for dinner every single night of my life. And why did it take me until this late in life to discover how delicious guacamole is? I think it was the color that scared me.

My back/pelvis is feeling quite a bit better this week. Maybe I didn’t tell you that I hurt it. Again. It has to do with transitioning from my walking boot to my shoe. It throws out my alignment big time. I think I might try to swim on the weekend. I really need to find a way to burn some calories.

My car is making terrible noises. It’s going into the shop tomorrow to get looked at. It’s so embarrassing to drive right now. Yesterday in a parking lot an old man yelled at me – “Your water pump is low!” or something like that. So perhaps something is wrong with my water pump. I hope it’s easily fixable. And cheap. And I hope they fix it quickly because I’m supposed to go visit one of my girlfriends and her baby on Friday. Except if I don’t make it, I’m secretly not that disappointed because then I can watch the Royal Wedding in my jammies.

I would also like to go for a bike ride this weekend. Munchie needs a new bike. Holy moley has she grown a lot since last summer. She looks like a circus act – this big thing on a teensy-tiny bicycle. And I’m having a hard time finding shirts big enough for her. She was mostly in 6xs so I bought her 7s and 8s, but really she needs 10s. I just can’t get my head around that so I keep dressing her in clothes that are too small.

I noticed on Facebook this morning that today is the birthday of one of my Junior High (i.e. middle school) friends. It made me remember that I got my first period the day of her 14th birthday party. You’re welcome.

Does anybody wear custom made orthotics in their shoes? If so, tell me where to buy orthotic friendly sandals. I have one pair of custom made sandals but they’re getting beat up and the company that made them went out of business. I am finding that shopping for orthotic friendly sandals is terribly depressing. Unless you’re 85 years old, then I’m sure the available styles are quite becoming.

On Religion

2011-04-18T15:37:00.002-05:00

So… there’s something happening for my family this weekend. I’m about to become a full-fledged confirmed member of the Catholic church.

I was feeling a bit guilty about it. (Oh my, is this the famous Catholic guilt? Does it start before you’re even actually Catholic?!)

Because the thing is, I didn’t really ask for this. You might remember the only other time I blogged about religion. Hubs grew up in the Catholic Church. Munchie fell in love with the music the first time Hubs took her to mass about 18 months ago. From there we got to know the priest. He kind of reminds me of a sweet, kind, old uncle. He really took a shine to Munchie – announcing her birthday during mass (the one and only time I’ve heard that done), calling her his girlfriend, and giving her “super-blessings” each Sunday during communion. During Munchie’s choir practices, he seeks out Hubs and I each week to come and chat about our week and the baseball standings. He’s had dinner at our house. We’ve sent jokey emails back and forth.

In the midst of this, he asked when I planned on being confirmed. I had no plans to be confirmed, but asked what would be involved. I’ve watched friends become Jewish and friends become Catholic and I had no desire to sign myself up for months of classes.

But then our priest said that nothing was really required - that the biggest part of being Catholic (in his eyes) was being a good person; being a good steward. He said that there were books I could read, but they weren’t going to tell me any magical answers.

And so I said I’d do it.

But now the guilt. Because am I doing it for the right reasons?

Frankly, I’m doing it because he made it easy. I’m doing it because in two years Munchie will have her first communion and I don’t want to be the only one in my family who doesn’t receive communion. I’m doing it to fit into my family.

And so I haven’t really told anybody about what’s coming up for me on Saturday night. I had just planned for it to happen without fanfare or any real acknowledgement or recognition. But then yesterday we had a rehearsal. The priest explained how all the lights will be off. The church will be dark except for one candle that will be passed from person to person, with each one of them then lighting their own candle until the room glows. He took me up to the altar to explain the rituals that would happen. And he said the words and I said them back and he gave me communion right then and there.

And suddenly it felt like maybe it was a little bit about me. For me a little bit. And that was kind of nice.

Happy

2011-04-14T10:39:00.003-05:00

I am lucky enough to have lots of days where I feel perfectly content. I laugh with Munchie, chat with a friend, tease with Hubs, joke with the neighbors. I smile and take the time to enjoy the sun on my face. But much more rare, are the days where I am truly, exuberantly happy. Days when I smile from start to finish, talk too much, and just feel completely alive and happy.

Yesterday was a day like that. I loved every minute of it. I was in Vancouver for a follow up appointment with my surgeon. My biggest fear with these appointments (besides that he'll tell me that the surgery was a huge disaster and he needs to chop my feet off) is that it will be rushed. That I won't have enough time to ask my questions. That I won't feel listened to. Before yesterday, I had had 9 meetings with my surgeon. Eight of them were awesome. One (the first) was over 2 hours long. (I know, I'm very fortunate.) The one appointment that was not awesome, really sucked. I left in tears. The appointment hadn't gone in the direction I had expected so I was left unprepared and without the proper questions. The doctor seemed distracted and rushed. It sucked.

Thankfully, yesterday was a great appointment. Dr. Wonderful was talkative and charming and positive and enthusiastic and answered all my questions and showed my friend my x-rays (and when she commented on the crazy amount of screws etc, he said - "wait 'til you see these!" - and pulled out the x-rays from my previous surgery).

I left happy. Exuberantly, glowingly happy.

And really, the results weren't 100% fabulous. While the fusion is healing really well, it's crooked. My foot doesn't sit flat on the floor anymore - the inside (big toe) edge sits higher than the outside edge. But it was about the interaction as much as anything.

From the hospital, me and my friend went shopping. While browsing at some designer jeans I mentioned that owning a pair is on my bucket list. And there on the clearance rack were a pair in my size, in the style I usually buy, for nearly half price. So I bought them.

And then I found a cute shirt. And bought it. And felt happy.

And then we went to the airport and I got a peppermint mocha latte. And felt happy.

And then we got on the plane and found that Air Canada had changed all their in-flight movies since the day before, and even though we thought there wasn't going to be anything good to watch, they had 'The King's Speech'. And I was happy.

And then my friend pulled cookies out of her carry-on bag and we ate cookies and watched a movie and sipped lattes.

And I was so, so happy.

Right Now...

2011-04-08T15:32:00.004-05:00

Listening... to Adele's new album "21". Oh my goodness I love it so very much.

Eating.... nothing. My stomach has been 'off' for the past week or so. I'm planning to make tacos for dinner which might not be the wisest selection, but Munchie will be pleased.

Drinking... iced tea. And thinking I should have just had water. After a week of vacation-type food I'm feeling the need to make healthy choices right now. Well, once I'm done the Jelly Bellys I have stashed in my drawer.

Wishing.... that it would stop raining before I have to go pick up Munchie (related: hoping the temperature stays above freezing so this rain doesn't turn to snow.)

Wearing... a purple sweater that always makes me happy. And a pretty etsy necklace. (And jeans, etc too.) Enjoying... the quiet comfort of my house.

Feeling... thankful for my family. Tired from travelling. Proud of my sister in law who defended her Master's Thesis today (I got to watch). Happy that the snow is almost gone. Anxious for true spring to arrive. Guilty for letting Munchie get a sunburned back that is now peeling.

Missing... Florida sun and warmth. Being able to walk in bare feet. My sweet niece who will grow up too much and too fast before I'm able to see her again.

Thankful... for so many things. One of which is this pretty new purse that arrived in the mail for me. A gift from... me.

Weather... rainy, cold, dark. Perfect for staying in your jammies and drinking chai lattes and watching movies. Not that I'm able to do any of those things today.

Planning... to return to Vancouver next week to see my surgeon. I'm hopeful that he will be happy with my healing and progress and give me the go-ahead to start weaning myself from this big walking boot.

Praying... for my family. Making... um... tacos for dinner, remember?

Wanting... an etsy credit card with a prepaid balance to infinity.

Needing... something warm to drink. And to go pick up Munchie from school. With only a minor detour I could pass a Starbucks on the way...

Thinking... about how to be the best support to some people around me who need support.

Dreaming... of warmer, sunnier days.

Loving... being back beside my husband at night.

Home Sweet Home

2011-04-07T09:45:00.003-05:00

Munchie and I returned home last night after spending a week in Florida visiting my sister in law, brother in law, and their three kids. It was... an experience. First of all, we had fun. Munchie had fun. She reconnected with cousins who she hadn't seen in two years and had a really great time. She jumped in waves, dug holes in the sand, tried bungy trampolining (not a good idea, she was terrified), jumped in a pool, and sang to the radio at the top of her lungs with the windows down and the wind blowing her hair. So that's all good stuff. Really, really good stuff.

Unfortunately, my BIL and SIL had to deal with some significant, unexpected family stuff while we were there. Significant enough that I offered to leave. To fly home or to spend the rest of our time in a hotel to give them the time to deal with what they were faced with. I was reassured that it was better with Munchie and I there, so we stayed. It wasn't always easy or comfortable for me, but these issues were much bigger than little ole' me so I just did my best to be helpful and pleasantly distracting.

There's nothing like spending a week with another family to make you grateful for your own personal version of dysfunction!

And it is good to be home. Back to my quiet(er) home and my healthy(er) food. Back to my handsome hubby, my comfy bed, and the cool fresh spring air.

Now I'm going to go pour myself a second mug of coffee and catch up with all of you!

Oh hello there!

2011-03-28T19:49:00.005-05:00

Ah yes, my blog.

I have been reading all your lovely words, but for whatever reason haven't really felt compelled to type my own for the past while. No reason really. I'm working a few hours a day now (I'm set up to work at home, no actual at-work work until after I see my surgeon in Vancouver in a couple of weeks). The work is mindless paperwork, but I do feel glad to be helping out and contributing to the company.

I've also been packing a suitcase. Munchie and I are going to Florida on Wednesday morning. I'm feeling rather guilty about the trip (I'm apparently too injured to be at work, yet off I go to Florida?), so I haven't really mentioned it to many people. We will be staying with Hubby's brother and his wife and 3 kids. We haven't seen the kids in 2 years so I'm really excited to spend the week with them. No big plans while we're there - just hang out, watch the boys play baseball, watch the girls splash in the pool. I'm still in my cast boot, so should come home with an interesting tan.

I'm not sure how much technology I'll be taking with me or how connected I'll be staying. But I hope you all have a fun, safe spring break!

Hard to Believe

2011-03-19T13:27:00.003-05:00

It's March 19th. All week I've been reading blogs about people watching their kids play outside, wearing flip flops, and enjoying the mild spring weather.

Here?

Notsomuch.

Ignore the poor picture quality, but this, this is my backyard.

Our swings still sit buried in the snow. We're tired of winter clothes, heavy jackets, mitts, scarves and boots. There are capri pants in our closets, and tank tops and flip flops. Our skin is pale. Our toes are always cold.

Days like today make it hard to believe that soccer starts in a few short weeks. That summer holidays need to be arranged and confirmed and organized and paid for.

It's hard to believe we'll ever be out in that backyard getting browned by the sun and drinking iced tea.

Sigh.

Virtual Coffee

2011-03-08T09:24:00.004-06:00

If we were meeting for coffee today, I'd be wearing my extra warm sweater because it's COLD out there!

I would thank you for picking me up, because I'm not really supposed to be driving with this big boot on my right foot (except I sort of have been driving a bit because somebody has to get the girl to choir practice, you know?)

I'd tell you that I've been lucky over the past week to be able to get out a number of times (after being essentially house bound for weeks). Last week I went to a play with a girlfriend (that was very boring and depressing, but I was just happy to be out! At night! Downtown!) On the weekend Hubs and I went out for dinner and a movie. We saw 'The Fighter', and even though a boxing movie typically wouldn't appeal to me, I thought it was really good. Christian Bale and that other chick who won the supporting actress Oscar totally deserved it.

Then on Sunday I went to see 'Black Swan' with a girlfriend. It was weird and crazy and odd, but again - really well done and Natalie Portman completely deserves her Oscar too. At this movie I ate chocolate frozen yogurt and it was so delicious.

But I would also tell you that in amongst the fun times, real life continues. I'd probably get teary telling you that one of my friends showed up on my doorstep in tears last night, her world crashing around her. Life can be so hard sometimes, and I hate that she is hurting so badly. But I was glad that I could be there for her. I was glad that it was a night that Hubby was home and I could just grab my coat and go.

I would ask you how you are doing, and I would hope that you'd really tell me. Because so often we gloss over our troubles, but sometimes (I'm learning) you find that somebody else has had the same troubles and knowing that can be such a balm for the wounds.

As we parted, I would say that I hope we can do it all again, really soon. And I'd mean it.

***
Join others for coffee at Amy's.

Me + Him = Her

2011-03-02T14:21:00.004-06:00

She is all me.

With her iPod playing on high she comes to me crying, sobbing that the song is just too beautiful. It makes her need a hug. It makes her want to never leave me, she just loves me so much.

I know that feeling. I know that reaction to music that just reaches inside and grabs a hold of you.

After accidently knocking her younger, smaller playmate into the side of a table and hearing that playmate exclaim "I'm mad at Munchie!", her lip quivers and she runs to her room as soon as her friend has left. She sobs into her pillow. Deep, deep sobs.

I know that hurt. I know the shame of feeling that you've hurt your friend. I know how it feels like your heart is breaking.

She prints her full name, first middle and last on the envelope, deposits her coins and seals it up. It is going with her to school to help pay for school supplies for children in Haiti "because did you know mom? That they only get one pencil for the whole year and one piece of paper and when the finish their work on their piece of paper they have to erase it and use the same piece the next day." She wants to send her pencils, her paper.

I know that desire. The wish that you could give every child pencils and papers and shoes and water and blankies.

****

She is all him.

She stubs her toe on her bookcase as she runs from her room. Her initial cry of pain turns to anger. She stamps her feet and yells that her toe hurts, fury on her face.

I've seen this before, before her time when we were bike riding and he fell, scraping up his hands. I didn't know what to make of it then, and here is again, stopping me dead in my tracks.

She hears a friend teased and will not stand for it. "You do NOT talk to my friend that way!" she says with a look that could kill.

I've seen this before. This loyalty and fierce protectiveness that will deepen friendships and strike fear in the heart of enemies.

She is making her birthday party guest list. We've exceeded the limit three times over yet she continues to spout out names of people who are special to her.

I've seen this before. This social creature. This open, gregarious nature.

This is what we have created. We've thrown in the best and worst of me and the best and worst of him and this is what happened. This sweet, stubborn, emotional being. This weepy, strong, friendly creature.

This girl of ours. This gift.

Why I Love My Hubby - Reason #4218

2011-02-25T10:14:00.004-06:00

Every Friday is 'Bring a Toy From Home Day' at Munchie's afternoon school program. I forget to remind her at least once a month.

Today is Friday. I forgot to remind her. Her backpack does not contain any toys from home. I realized this as soon as Hubby returned home from dropping her off at school. "Crap!" I said, "It's toy from home day!"

And Hubs said - "I'll take her something, it's no problem."

So I told him that Munchie usually takes Maggie, one of her favorites among her dozen baby dolls.

And Hubs said - "Okay, I'll get Mags."

I love that he called her 'Mags'. I love that he then was able to distinguish 'Mags' from Bella and Dolly and Brynn and Elizabeth and Reese and all the others who's names I've forgotten.

And I love that he fixed the crooked bow on the back of Maggie's dress, grabbed his work stuff and headed out the door a few minutes early so that Munchie would have her toy from home.

Munchie and Maggie, March 2008

Shhhh....

2011-02-23T22:20:00.002-06:00

I'm here. Just quiet.

I'm not sure why, exactly. Nothing is wrong. Things are fine.

My days are quiet. Hubs goes to work, Munchie goes to school, and I stay home and work on healing.

It's a bit boring. It's a bit lonely. But I'm fine. Still reading and commenting and so thankful you're all giving me wonderful things to read during these quiet days.

Xrays

2011-02-17T14:37:00.003-06:00

They aren't as impressive as last year's xrays of the left ankle, but here are the xray pictures from today of my new, improved right ankle.

Just some pictures

2011-02-16T08:44:00.001-06:00

Here are some pictures I've been meaning to post.

The day before my surgery in January, Hubby and I spent the day at the Vancouver aquarium. I could have spent hours gazing at the jellyfish. I think it would be very soothing to have a wall of jellyfish in my home. Until the tank burst and my house was full of jellyfish.

We returned home from Vancouver to this smiling face and this awesome sign:

Munchie has been having some sympathy pains. She dug up my old cast-boot and joined me on the couch for this picture:

Here are some cupcakes. We'll call them Exhibit A:

And here are Exhibit B:
Any guesses which ones cost $20/dozen and which ones cost $6.58/dozen?

Exhibit A were the expensive ones. They weren't even very good. (Wicked-cute cupcake toppers by Jennifer.)

Munchie's birthday party was at her gymnastics club. There was lots of this:

And this:

I love how thoughtful she looks in this picture as she reads her card. And how proud the little boy (the gift giver) looks beside her. He gave her a dry-erase board and it's her very favorite present.

We've been having some unseasonably warm weather over the past couple of days. Even I managed to hobble outside to supervise some snowman-building...

...and snowball fighting. Actually, truth be told, I watched this part from inside while eating loot bag candy.

In other news, my foot is so ugly.

Random

2011-02-15T13:54:00.004-06:00

It feels like I haven't been here for a long time... writing or reading. It's probably only been a couple of days, but I've got lots of blogs to catch up on (which makes me happy).

Since I was last here:

* My wound became infected. It shouldn't be a big deal, and should clear up fine with the antibiotics I'm taking 4 times a day. However, today is day 6 (of 7) of the antibiotics and the wound is just starting to look better today. It was a gong-show of a day the day I realized it was infected though. My doctor wanted to see me immediately (given my bad history with infections) but I was kind of stuck at home unable to drive, with Munchie on her way home from school. With the help of a great-grandma, an uncle, a cousin, and a taxi it all worked out fine. On Thursday I'll return to the doctor for xrays and to have him check the wound.

* My stitches were skinny and black, but a thick white piece of thread emerged from the (uninfected) wound on my leg (bone graft donor site) this morning. Hubs and I weren't able to pull it out with tweezers and it was starting to bleed so we'll leave that for the doctor on Thursday too. Weird.

* Munchie had her birthday party last Saturday. Her week-long birthday celebration is now complete. She had a great time with her friends at her gymnastics gym. The cupcakes were... okay. I was happy that Munchie got lots of crafty things and some clothes for her birthday. She really didn't need any more Barbie/Polly Pocket/Pony/Princess things.

* I finished sewing my skirt. It looks okay. I'd probably wear it outside of the house. Now I need to get to work on Munchie's. I think I'll just modify the instructions for the one I made myself since I've got the hang of it. Then we'll be all cute and matchy-matchy.

* My window is open right now. The cool, fresh air is so awesome. It's 4 degrees Celsius... that's close to 40 F. Way above normal for these parts in February. I might try to hobble out to the front steps later. I can get there no problem, just not sure I'll be able to get back up and into the house.

* Can anybody drive Munchie to dance class tonight? I don't have a ride for her. Kaythanks.

Okay, now I'm off to catch up with all of you. I'll also currently down/up loading some pictures so I'll post those soon too.

Bed sheet skirt

2011-02-10T09:37:00.003-06:00

So. I've got a lot of time on my hands right now. Last week I managed to finish a 6-week online course for work in 2 days. Instead of signing up for another one right away (because ohmygoodness they're boring), I decided to try my hand at being crafty.

A friend of mine let me borrow her grandma's ancient sewing machine, and I found some patterns/instructions online designed for beginner sewers. There doesn't appear to be a level below 'beginner' unfortunately.

In a rare display of patience and foresight, I decided to first sew the skirt out of old material just to get a feel for what I was supposed to do. Typically my style is to jump right in, ignore half the instructions, and then end up getting frustrated when things don't work out. For example - when I used to color my own hair, I never did the 'patch test'. Does anybody bother with that?

Since I'm not a sewer I didn't have any scrap material just hanging around the house. But I did have an old bed sheet that had lost it's fitted-sheet partner. So I cut it up and used it to make my practice skirt.

And here it is. This is the skirt I plan to make for myself (I found a pattern for Munchie too). It's 2-tiered with a shorter layer hanging over a longer layer. The bottom hem look nice only because I used the finished edge of the bedsheet. I'll have to actually hem my real skirt.

And then I risked my life by standing one-legged on my bed in a dimly lit room to show you a picture.

I don't mind it. It has potential. I think it sort of looks like an apron, but once I use the real material I'm hoping this isn't the case. The real material is thinner, stretchier, and dark purple. One thing I didn't like was the bunchy elastic waistband. I think I will use less material so that it's less bunchy. Adding extra inches at my waistline isn't really the effect I'm after.

And please don't look inside the waistband, because this is what it looks like.

I guess I won't be opening my own etsy store anytime soon.

This and that

2011-02-08T10:19:00.003-06:00

1. Munchie had a great birthday yesterday. She got a birthday crown at school and her classmates made her a birthday book (they each color a page and write a few words for her). She passed out her cupcakes at snack time (the other birthday mom brought juice boxes. I totally win.) For dinner we had breakfast as per her request. Pancakes and sausages - her favorites. After dinner she went off to choir practice where she passed out cookies and got serenaded with 'Happy Birthday' again. And then my grandparents came over for more cupcakes and presents (and another round of 'Happy Birthday'). She is a very lucky, very loved 6 year old!

2. Today I'm going to start sewing. I've borrowed my friend's grandmother's ancient sewing machine. I know absolutely nothing about sewing. I had to take sewing class in junior high school, but I don't think that even counts. I decided that I want to try to make skirts for both Munchie and I. I found patterns/instructions that are supposed to be 'easy' and for the 'novice sewer'. There didn't appear to be any patterns specifically for 'idiots' so I'll go with 'novice'. We'll see what happens. My prediction? It will be a disaster.

3. I just finished reading a book that felt like reading about my own life. I'm not even going to tell you what book it was in case you go read it and think - wow you're messed up. But it was really weird and felt like I was rushing to the end of it to see how it/my life was going to end up. I was honestly relieved when it ended how I wanted it/my life to end. Also: I'm crazy.

4. Hubby is doing an awesome job around the house taking over the things I'm not able to do. And without complaint too. I'm very grateful. Munchie is a super-helper too. And so sweet.

Alrighty then. Time to fold some laundry. Thank you all for your sweet birthday wishes for my girl yesterday!

Munchie's Birthday Interview

2011-02-07T11:10:00.002-06:00

Today my baby girl is SIX years old!

I totally stole this idea from Beth, so all credit goes to her. (Coincidentally, it is BETH'S birthday today too!)

I love the idea of interviewing kids on their birthday, so yesterday Hubs videotaped the following interview.

Hi Munchie.

Hi.

So tomorrow's a special day.

Yes it is.

What's tomorrow?

I'm turning 16! (laughs)

I have some questions for you. You've been 5 for a year now what are your favorite memories? What good things happened while you were 5?

Well I was in grade...10.

No, we have to do this for real.

So it was really fun. I felt the spirit of being me. Can I tell you something weird? When I was 5 every single day now I feel 4. And when I turn 6 ... when I turn a number I always feel like the number below.

So you don't wake up feeling like really different person or anything?

No, I just wake up feeling like I'm 5.

(dad) What were some of your favorite things when you were 5?

Well umm.. going to Kindergarten was a blast.

Yes, that was one of my special memories of this year too. What do you think might be different between being a 5 year old and being a 6 year old?

I get presents!

Do you think it will feel about the same?

Yeah.

Anything you're looking forward to when you're a great big 6 year old?

Well, that means grade 1 is coming for me...

What's your favorite color?

Black, white, grey...

Really?...

...blue...

Wow, I'm surprised because until now it's always been pink and purple, maybe some yellow. Do you have any favorite toys?

My dollies.

Any one in particular?

Maggie.

Do you have a favorite game to play?

Monopoly because I get money, money, money!

If you had a whole weekend to do whatever you wanted, what would you do?

Um um um - what's it called again? That arcade?

Fun FX?

Yeah, I'd go to Fun FX and LIVE THERE!

You're in lots of activities. Do you have a favorite?

Choir.

Church choir or NOVA?

Church.

Do you have a favorite song?

Hallelujah... hal le lu jah...

Thats nice. You've sung lots of nice solos with that song. Who are your best friends these days?

Jessica, Jaymes, Gracie, Macie, Brooke...

And you've met lots of nice girls at Kindergarten this year.

Yeah.

(dad) Who's your favorite teacher?

That's not on the sheet.

Daddy has his own questions.

Oh. Mrs. George.

Who's your favorite at day care?

Shari.

And Dara Lee? You guys get along really well, don't you?

Yeah.

Any idea what you're going to be when you grow up?

I'm going to work at an airport.

At an airport? Doing what?

Actually no - a WATERSLIDE!

Oooo fun!

Sometimes when I'm hot.. I, I.... at Hanna's birthday today I saw somebody carrying a table on their head.

And that's what you want to do?

Yep but they holded onto it.

Were they also in charge of the waterslide?

Yeah.

I see. Do you think you might get married one day?

Course!

Who do you think would be nice boy for you to marry?

I don't know.

Not sure? You have some good boys who are friends.

That leads us into boyfriends - whoot woo!

(dad) Who do you think your first boyfriend will be?

I have no idea.

(dad) Well just guess.

I have no idea daddy. Can we get on to the next question?

Okay, do you want to have kids one day?

Of course!

How many?

Well, that leads us to marrying...

Just skip the marrying part - one kid? two kids?

One hundred!

What would your kids' names be?

I mean, I mean 2 kids.

That sounds good.

A boy and a girl.

That sounds perfect. Is there anything else you'd like to say for your birthday interview.

No. I want to interview you now.

(So she did.)

If you say "cupcake" I might hurt you

2011-02-05T13:43:00.003-06:00

Thanks for all your thoughts on my cupcake situation.

I did think that it was entirely reasonable for me to reply to 'Rachel' that her prices were more than I had been prepared to spend and cancel the order.

But I'm also a big chicken. Plus, I DID want to support her little cupcake business since she had been so kind to me. (At least I THOUGHT it was a 'little cupcake business'... maybe there are drugs hidden in the cupcakes or something.)

Anyway - I did tell her that it was more than I had hoped to spend, and then I reduced my order. Rachel will be making cupcakes for Munchie's party next weekend and I will find a more cost-efficient cupcake for the other, smaller celebrations.

In other annoying cupcake news... Munchie shares a birthday with another little girl in her class. Most of the Kindergarten kids have brought special snack time treats for the class on their birthday. I thought that it would be silly for both mothers to send a special treat, so I phoned the other girl's mom yesterday and suggested that we perhaps each bring 1 dozen of something. She called back and said that they had "considered my proposal but prefer to do their own thing". Annoying! So I asked what they were planning on bringing so that I could send something different. And she said she hadn't decided yet. So I told her that Munchie would bring cupcakes. Let her think of something else.

It's ridiculous how much these two situations annoyed me, but I guess life is pretty good if I'm losing sleep over cupcakes...

Quick what do I do?

2011-02-03T16:51:00.003-06:00

Imagine me talking very fast and gesturing a lot...

There's a girl I went to high school with. Never hung out with her in high school, but was aware of her existence. I'll call her Rachel.

A couple of years ago, Rachel showed up at Munchie's Kinderballet class with her own little Kinderballerina. We said hello, how are you each week but nothing more.

A couple of months ago, Rachel 'friended' me on Facebook. She appears to be somebody who has most of our graduating class as 'friends'. Fine, whatever. She lives nearby and has a daughter the same age as Munchie so I'm sure our crossed are destined to cross many times in the future.

A couple of weeks ago while I was in Vancouver Rachel sent me an email saying - I know you're having some type of medical issue right now so I'd really like to bring your family a meal when you get home.

Which she did. Which is VERY, VERY nice as we really don't know each other at all. She also included a note saying - I know we don't know each other well, but I'm happy to help in any way I can. Which I believe.

Rachel bakes cupcakes and sells them to friends. So I thought it would be nice to buy Munchie's birthday cupcakes from Rachel. Between a birthday evening with the neighbor, a birthday evening with the grandparents, and her actual party, I probably need 3-4 dozen cupcakes. That allows for extras because I don't know how many of the kids' parents will stick around the party.

I sent Rachel an email saying - I'd like half chocolate, half white, with pink and purple icing - are you interested?

And she replied sure - that will be $20 a dozen.

That's like eleventy billion dollars total.

Well not really, but more than I wanted to spend. Maybe I am totally out of touch, but there's nothing fancy about these cupcakes.

I can make cupcakes. I just wanted a nice gesture for a nice person.

But it's kinda too much.

Now how do I say - Oh, no thank you after all.

HELP!

Structure

2011-02-01T18:42:00.002-06:00

Today is post-op day 21 and things are going well. I had a set-back last week - it looks like I developed Achilles tendon bursitis from the constant friction of my heel rubbing the fabric of my aircast boot. It was so incredibly painful and for days we couldn't figure out why I was having the pain (especially since it wasn't at the surgery site). After two nights of no sleep and lots of tears and oxycodon that wasn't even touching the pain, we found a big, red, puffy circle on my heel. And Hubs knows about these weird medical things and was able to diagnose me. We have it bandaged now to lessen the friction and I finally read the instructions to my aircast and learned how to pump up the air pockets inside of it so that my leg is held securely and doesn't slide around. I'm hoping that rest will be enough to get rid of the bursitis.

That was a long paragraph just to say - I was really sore last week, but now I'm much better.

Better enough that these long hours of nothingness have started to get to me. After my last surgery, I could still drive. I wasn't really going anywhere, but I could still go to the drive-thru to get a coffee or a burger or do my banking or whatever. But this time (right ankle) I can't drive. So I never leave the house. You should have seen how excited I was when Hubs took me to the doctor last week! !!I got to leave!! the house!! Yesterday one of my girlfriends came over for with lunch (the best soup ever) and said that next time she's able to visit, she'll come pick me up and take me OUT for lunch. And then I kissed her. Well no, not really but I think I said something like "Okay, great sowhencanyoucomeback, tomorrow?"

Instead of relying entirely on the help of others to amuse me, I decided that I needed to add some structure to my day. Lying in bed all day playing on the laptop is fun, but leaves me tired and broke (somebody please block etsy from my computer). So I signed up for an online course through work (they pay for it, plus I get $100 if I pass!). It's horribly boring, but it's a good thing for me to do and this is the best time for me to just plow my way through it. I also decided that I need to spend at least 30 minutes doing whatever sort of stretching and strengthening I'm able to do. And with a week or two I should be able to start using the stationary bike too. Which will be good because I've stopped moving, but I certainly having stopped eating.

More than anything I'm trying to be grateful for the opportunity to rest and heal. I got a phone call today telling me that my disability benefits have been approved to May 1st. I definitely expect to be back at work before then, but it's nice that I don't have to worry about it. Certainly nobody is rushing me!

And with that, I'm off to browse some more on etsy before Munchie gets back from dance class.

I can't believe I'm telling you about my underwear

2011-01-25T09:54:00.004-06:00

One March morning in 2004 I woke up with horrible pain in my side. I was quite sure I was going to require an appendectomy. So I showered, got dressed, drove my husband's son to school, and drove myself to the emergency room. I'm kind of stubborn like that (some people would use a different word that starts with stu- and is 6 letters long, but whatev.) After some poking and prodding and an ultrasound, the doctors agreed with me (except the one who tried to tell me it was menstrual cramps. Like he would know better than me. I nearly smacked him.) So I was given a blue gown and was told to remove everything else in preparation for surgery. I was wheeled into the operating room and got an IV put into my hand. As the nurse lifted up my gown to prepare my abdomen she said - "You still have your underwear on." For some reason I had neglected to remove my underwear and so I had to squirm around on the tiny operating room table yanking off my drawers in front of all the OR room staff. Awesome.

Fast forward a couple of years. There are irregular cells on my cervix and I have to go in for some laser surgery to remove them. I'm handed a blue gown and given the regular spiel. I put on the gown, hop up onto the table, the doctor walks in and sits down... and I realize I'm still wearing my underwear. The doctor looks at me like - how do you expect me to access your cervix? Awesome again.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. I show up the morning of my surgery. I'm handed a blue gown and asked to disrobe. I put on my robe, hand my clothes over to Hubby, kiss him goodbye and follow the nurse into the 'pre-op holding area'. I lie there waiting to be wheeled into the operating room and realize - yep - I've got my underwear on. I look around - what the heck am I going to DO with them? I have no bag, no purse, there is no garbage can in my little cubicle. There's a sharps container, but that's not right. I could shove them under my mattress but that's really not right. I peek out of my curtained cubicle and see a public washroom down the hall. I'm really probably not supposed to be running down the hall in bare feet (bare everything except my butt) and using the public washroom, but I didn't really see another option. So I ran down the hall, threw my undies in the trash, gathered my drafty gown around me the best I could and ran back to my little stretcher.

What is wrong with me?

(and why do I share these things?!)

Stick a fork in me

2011-01-21T22:23:00.003-06:00

Oh what a day.

Oh what a week.

I was happy to come home. The trip home on the plane was not as bad as I had feared. Uncomfortable for sure, but I had oxycodone streaming through my veins, peanut M&Ms to eat, and my headphones plugged into the inflight showing of Eat, Pray, Love. Munchie was thrilled to see us, was full of hugs and cuddles, and has been tremendously sweet and helpful.

The pain has been more than I bargained for though. I lost the past two days to the pain and oxycodone.

Today was a better day. Until 4:00 when my mom arrived home with a sobbing, hysterical Munchie. Since the beginning of the school year, we've received at least a dozen notices informing us that head lice has been found on a child either in her classroom or in her afternoon daycare. Well today, after another case of head lice, all the children will checked and one of the day care teachers thought she saw a couple of nits (the bugs eggs, not the bugs) in Munchie's hair.

She. Was. Beside. Herself.

In case you're wondering, treatment is picking out each individual egg (which stick to the shaft of the hair) and then washing with a special shampoo, and then washing every single washable thing in your home in hot water.

We spent over an hour picking through every single strand of hair on Munchie's head. We found 3 things we thought might be nits and 2 things we're quite sure were just fuzzys. Nothing else.

Then we did the shampooing.

Then we started to wash all the bedding, pillows, stuffed animals, clothes, hats, jackets, and anything else her head might of touched. Even though I'm not convinced she's even GOT these nits in her head, I'm certainly not interested in seeing if anything HATCHES in 7-10 days. Gah!

Hubs unfortunately doesn't do a lot (any) laundry (well I guess that's "fortunately" for him) so he overloaded the washing machine, flooding the laundry room (new floors, remember?!). By the time my mom discovered the water, it had gone through the floor and through the ceiling of the basement, ruining some ceiling tiles and soaking the carpet.

I'm so done with today.

Almost there

2011-01-18T20:54:00.003-06:00

Today we left our fancy-schmancy condo in Port Moody to return to downtown Vancouver. We checked into our hotel, and when we got upstairs noticed that the room included a raised toilet seat, a bathseat, some handy grab bars.... I guess they saw me coming in my wheelchair!

Tomorrow morning I see my surgeon, get an xray, and my cast removed, and then we're off to the airport. It does seem early to get on an airplane, but with the help of some pain meds I'm sure I'll get home okay. It will be nice to be home in my own bed with some snuggles from Munchie.

I'm very happy that my mom will be staying for a week once we're home. Hubs will be back to work and it will be so nice to have help. And really, is there any better help than your own mom? I think not.

Done!

2011-01-14T18:52:00.000-06:00

I was trying to think of a clever title for this post, but they all included the word "screwed" and sounded rude. That rhymes. I'm taking lots of pain medication... wheeeeeee!

Okay, so anyway, my surgery is done. I arrived at the hospital on Tuesday just after noon. Met with the nurse and the anesthetist. Got my IV started and got a nerve block epidural in my leg. My surgery didn't start until close to 4:00 but there was a funny resident who stayed with me and kept me laughing. Or maybe that was the pre-op ativan cocktail that kept me laughing... either way, I didn't feel too anxious and the nurse commented on how low (relaxed) my blood pressure was.

I woke up and was taken to my room around 7 I think. They put me in a room with 3 old men. That wasn't so cool. I guess now I can say I've slept with 3 men at once? (again, pain meds... wheeeeee!) The nerve block is a special kind of medical magic that kept me very happy and numb for the first couple of days.

Other than a horrendous nurse today, everybody else was very nice to me. But this nurse today - GAH - reduced me to tears the bitch. Long story short she left me sitting on the toilet with the door wide open in my room of 3 old men (and visitors and hospital staff). Then she suggested that we pull out my nerve block epidural while I was sitting on the toilet. Talk about unsanitary and unprofessional and completely inappropriate. She apologized twice afterwards - she was "just so busy".

So now I am convalescing in the beautiful 14th floor condo of my friend's cousin. We'll stay in Vancouver until Wednesday, then see the doctor, then fly home. It doesn't sound like Munchie is missing us much at all (which is great), but I know I will be more than ready to see her by Wednesday!!

I'm on vacation, right?

2011-01-10T16:00:00.002-06:00

Well, we made it to Vancouver yesterday. The flight was fine. I ate gummy candy and watched Social Network. Our hotel worked out really well - the room is much more like a suite with a sitting area and a kitchenette.

Last night we walked to a restaurant on the water and I ate some yummy lobster bisque and lobster ravioli. So yum! Then we had a soak in the hot tub, watched a movie, and went to bed.

Sounds like a vacation right?! I'm totally pretending that's what this is.... until tomorrow anyway.

Today I had pre-op appointments at the hospital. They went fine. After that we went to the Vancouver aquarium in Stanley Park. Hubs was skeptical, but we both enjoyed it. Now I'm back at the hotel. Hubs went to check out the fitness center and I've got my feet up watching Wedding Story on TLC.

Still a vacation, right?!

Tonight I will be eating a ginormous midnight snack. I need to be fasting from midnight until my 2:30 p.m. surgery. I'll probably be too anxious to be hungry anyway.

See you on the other side!

The long boring saga of my floor

2011-01-06T20:29:00.001-06:00

Sigh. I started this post on December 27th. It was supposed to be a quick - "Hey this is what my house looked like at the beginning of the week, and this is what it looks like now!" Because we were getting hardwood floors put in and it was supposed to take a week.

A week. Remember that. It's critical. A WEEK. From December 23rd, which was day 1. A week.

************
Original post started like this:

Please humor me. This has been a very trying process. Please tell me that my floor is lovely and that all my anxiety and chest pain about having my house turned upside down over Christmas was well worth it.

Somebody reminded me to take before and after pictures. By the time I read this wise suggestion, we'd already removed our island from the middle of the kitchen, but otherwise - here is before:

Then my brother in laws came over and started tearing apart the place.

This was the state of the devastation after Day 1 - fine really, my kitchen was still completely functioning, Munchie just had to avoid any nails sticking out of the plywood.

The end of Day 2 saw more linoleum and subfloor hitting the trash pile. It was also Christmas Eve, so a shorter day for the brother in laws. I let it slide since, y'know, they're family.

While all this was happening, my family room looked like this:

That's my island, everything from the floor and first shelf of the pantry, Munchie's craft bins, and 45 boxes of hardwood. It stressed me out to see my family room like this. Thankfully I made sure that my living room looked like this:

I did not allow any construction materials, or other-room-overflow into it. It was my calm oasis in the storm.

Days 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, and 16 included scenes like this:

Child labor law violations:

Boys working (and quite a lot of boys not working, and boys drinking beer, and boys going to Home Dep0t for more supplies, and boys just missing for hours at a time, but I'm trying to be patient and appreciative here.)

But patience can be hard when it is Day 16, and this is the current state of my family room. It's a real picture from today, honest. I didn't just paste the same one from Day 1... though I could've and you wouldn't have noticed the difference. (patience and appreciation, patience and appreciation, patience and appreciation...)

And this is how the kitchen looks so far. Just focus on the pretty wood 'kay?

Gratitude

2011-01-04T18:22:00.002-06:00

Things that I am grateful for this week:

1. Hot yoga - I mentioned loving hot yoga a couple of weeks ago. Well that first week I had an unlimited pass and ended up doing 6 classes in 7 days. That turned out to be too much for my disintegrating bones to handle and I was in some pretty bad pain for a few days after that. But last night I went back to the 'hot hatha' class. It's non-weightbearing - just stretching and relaxation on the mat. To acoustic, relaxing music. In candlelight. I cried. But not in a bad way really.

2. Sometimes music makes me cry. That was part of the tears-at-yoga equation. On Sunday morning Munchie joined Hubs and I in bed when she woke up. She reached over, picked up my iPod from beside my bed, and asked me to play some songs she knew. As she was listening to 'All I Can Do', she started to cry - "It's just so beautiful mom that it makes me EMOTIONAL!" I got all verklempt and gave her a hug and Hubs looked at us like we were aliens. I love my girl's sensitive soul!

3. My boss is great. She didn't even bat an eyelash when I told her at the end of December that I finally had a date for my surgery and only had 3 scheduled work days left before then. She just offered to help with meals or driving or anything else we will need.

4. My neighbor just brought over another container of her frozen Christmas baking. Not that I need the 600, 000 more calories, but my goodness they taste good.

5. All of you fabulous women who write such lovely comments (most of the comments on my last post made me teary), and send me emails, and sew me shirts, and make cupcake toppers for my kid's birthday, and let me peer pressure you into buying things from etsy (and that's just what you're doing for me THIS week!). I appreciate each and every one of you!

2010

2010-12-31T13:08:00.000-06:00

As is inevitable (at least in my head) the end of the year brings about reflection about the year that was.

Last year on this day I posted a recap of our year on pictures. Wow, those 2009 events seem so long ago. I wondered what 2010 would hold. I hoped for the usual - health, happiness, more great memories with my friends and family.

Did I get that?

Sitting here 11 days away from more surgery and a lengthy recovery period I don't feel a whole lot healthier.

Do I feel happier? I don't know. This year was challenging. Encouraging at times and downright terrifying at others. I've been bolstered, I've been decimated, I've been renewed, I've been depleted. Such is life I guess, but this year? It just feels like it's taken a toll.

I have done some things right. All those books and yellow highlighters have helped me find a clearer, truer, version/vision of myself. I feel like I've learned a lot about myself. I feel more comfortable in my own skin today than a few months ago.

But I've got a long way to go.

Did I make some great memories? For sure, there were great moments and great memories. Munchie starting Kindergarten like the rock star that she is would be at the top of this list.

I'm ready to put this year to bed. Even though 2011 intimidates me with it's potential to knock me down, it's time to look it in the eyes and give it all I've got.

Whoosh, shiver, there it goes

2010-12-26T12:56:00.003-06:00

I know, I know. We're OVER Christmas now. Carry on with your days, I just wanted to get this up. It's been a looong work in progress as I've been lazy about getting the pictures off the camera, downloading, uploading, blah blah blah.

Christmas snuck up on me this year. With Munchie in school and all her activities right until December 22nd, we didn't have the lazy nights at home watching Christmas movies or reading Christmas books that I would have liked. I know I complained about this earlier, but it's still bothering me. Hubs reassures me (and he's right) that there were still festive moments, and she did lots of Christmas stuff at school - so contrary to my fears, Munchie isn't that hard done by.

On the 24th we went to Hubby's mom's for dinner. Munchie had a fantastic time with her two cousins. The three of them are super-close and it's awesome to watch. I nearly shot myself when we got home and I realized that I had left my camera at her house. Thankfully we were able to find our old (crappy) camera for the rest of our Christmas pictures.

Here we are in the only corner of our house that isn't insanity, leaving cookies for Santa and a carrot for his reindeer.

And ta-da! It's Christmas morning.

Like a true Christmas miracle, Munchie slept until after 7 on Christmas morning. As expected she had a fabulous time opening all her presents. I thought I had restrained myself a bit more than usual in terms of the number of presents, but looking at the aftermath, I'm not sure that was actually the case.

Santa managed to bring the guitar that was tops on Munchie's list this year.

And now it's the 27th and I want my house back. I want the tree to be stripped of all ornaments and put in the basement. I want all the clutter - I mean all the pretty decorations - to be put into bins and removed from my visual field. And finally I want my hardwood floors to be installed 5 minutes ago (instead of 5 days from now - I had NO IDEA how long, dusty, messy, disruptive, expensive, and anxiety-provoking this process would be).

We'll get there. Maybe by Thursday I will have pictures to share of my lovely floor and orderly home.

Hope you all had a wonderful, peaceful, joyous Christmas!

Begin panic attack.... NOW!

2010-12-22T11:56:00.001-06:00

Just got the call - surgery is January 11th.

The good news is that we'll only be away for 10-11 days instead of last year's 18 days.

So. Much. Planning. to do now.

It's December 20th?!

2010-12-20T15:32:00.001-06:00

Christmas is like, really soon. I think I was more in the Christmas spirit a couple of weeks ago. Right now I just feel busy.

We found out a couple of weeks ago that Hubby’s brother will be home for Christmas. He lives across the country and builds houses for a living. When he decided to come home for Christmas, he said – hey, while I’m there, I’ll install those hardwood floors you guys wanted. Which is great because that means I get new hardwood floors, and brother-in-law will do a good job and charge a fair price, but OHMYGOD the preparation! Everything that is currently touching linoleum needs to be put in an area with no linoleum. So we had to move our kitchen island (first emptying each cupboard and drawer). I had to get everything off the floor and bottom shelf of the pantry. I had to empty our front hall closet and laundry room closet. We had to move the kitchen table and chairs. Basically right now everything is in my family room. It was decorated all lovely for Christmas, but you can’t tell anymore. Oh because in addition to all the stuff we moved in there, there are also 45 boxes of flooring.

But it was my idea to squish it all into one room. That way, I still have the living room. The Christmas tree is in the living room so I can go in there and look at the pretty lights and pretend that the rest of my house isn’t in a state of total chaos.

Yesterday I found Munchie's bin of Christmas books and realized that we hadn't read ANY yet... so I need to get going on that. Most of her evening activities are done now until January so hopefully we'll have some quieter evenings for listening to Christmas music, reading Christmas books and nibbling on Christmas cookies.

Tonight is my night at the Ronald McDonald House. I’m bringing a slow cooker full of chili, some buns, and Christmas baking. One of my coworkers also made a slow cooker of chili for me to take. I mentioned to the staff at RMH that I would be bringing some food, and my intention was that it would just be something extra in the kitchen for families who had just arrived or who didn’t feel like cooking. But I think they might have posted a sign that there is a dinner being provided tonight. I’m now totally worried that there won’t be enough to go around. That would be embarrassing.

I have eaten WAY too many chocolates at work today. I thought having a salad for lunch might help balance the health-scales a bit, but I feel so gross. Oh well, good thing there won’t be any extra chili for me to eat for dinner.

A Letter to my New Lover

2010-12-20T10:13:00.001-06:00

Dear Hot Yoga,

I can’t believe we’ve only known each other for a week. When Angela introduced us last Monday, I just knew. I knew that we were meant to be together. Seven days and six dates later, I know I could never leave you. As soon as we’re together my pulse quickens, my breath deepens, I sweat. And the positions! Oh the positions! Positions I didn’t think I would be capable of. But surrounded by your warmth and non-judgment, you have showed me the way. The way my body feels after our encounters is like nothing I’ve even experienced. I’m relaxed. I’m calm. I’m centered. I’m warm and content.

Thank you hot yoga, for coming into my life. I hope we’ll be together forever.

Lyndsay

Gratitude

2010-12-15T10:00:00.002-06:00

Today I am grateful for:

1. My bloggy friends (and the one real-life friend who knows about this blog) who make me feel supported and surrounded.

2. Moisturizer. Oh my goodness my skin is dry.

3. Munchie forgetting about our miserable bedtime experience last night and waking up wanting to snuggle.

4. Having a co-worker who buys super-cute clothes for her daughter and then gives them to me for Munchie when they don't fit her daughter anymore. ("New" Christmas PJs - yay!)

5. People who turn on their Christmas tree lights super early in the dark morning for all to see their pretty trees as they drive to work.

6. Dropping off the Christmas hamper.

7. Christmas bonuses!

8. No commercials, no talking, just four super upbeat songs on the radio for my drive to work.

9. Surviving (and even enjoying) hot yoga. And $20 week passes to hot yoga. And having a friend to go to hot yoga with.

10. Beautiful pinky-orangey sunrises.

(oh my goodness, I just used "super" three times in one post. Time for a thesaurus.)

Right Now...

2010-12-10T09:14:00.003-06:00

(I totally stole the format of this blog post from Katy. You should go read her blog... it's fascinating.)

Listening... to Ellen on TV.

Eating.... nothing. I ate Munchie's brunt Eggos for breakfast. With raspberry jam.

Drinking... coffee. With Hazelnut creamer.

Wishing.... that International Delight made more of their flavors available in Canada. And that I could win one of Ellen's Days of Giveaways.

Wearing... fuzzy socks. It's COLD out there!

Enjoying... the sunshine streaming through the front window.

Feeling... tired. Hubby was out late last night and Munchie woke up early this morning. It's a nasty combination.

Missing... my two friends who had baby boys in the past few weeks. I want so much to see them and their little dudes.

Thankful... for email, and the ability to see pictures of my girlfriends' babies within hours of them being born. I guess in the olden days they would have had to take pictures, take the film to the store, get the pictures developed, and then mail the prints to me.... I can't even imagine...

Weather... great if you're a polar bear.

Planning... the logistics of our weekend. We've got lots on the go. All fun stuff though - parties and playdates and theatre tickets and cookie exchanges.

Praying... For Andrew and Julie. Tomorrow is Andrew's last day of chemo. While that is 100% a reason to celebrate (BIG time celebrate!) I know that it's also an anxious time for his mom.

Making... my last batch of cookies for my cookie exchange on Sunday. It's some kind of 'lemon snowflake' cookie recipe that looks easy and is hopefully delicious.

Wanting... more coffee.

Needing... more coffee? And to wrap my last 2-3 Christmas presents. I'm done shopping. I don't DO the mall in December.

Thinking... that I should schedule a nap into my afternoon. It might make this busy weekend a bit easier to handle.

Dreaming... about how nice it would be if I could have that nap on a tropical beach with the sun warm on my skin and the sound of crashing waves lulling me to sleep.

Loving... how excited Munchie is about everything Christmas-related right now. Kids make Christmas magical.

You Capture - Sweet

2010-12-09T14:13:00.002-06:00

I'm participating in a cookie exchange on Sunday.

I'm suppose to make 7 dozen cookies. So far I've made these:

The recipe made 2 dozen.
We ate 1 dozen.
I don't think I have 7 dozen left, do I?

More sweetness can be found at Beth's.

Trim Up The Tree!

2010-12-06T09:55:00.000-06:00

All the stars were in alignment yesterday afternoon and Hubs and I were actually both at home at the same time (it's been a busy couple of weeks). So that meant it was time to put up the Christmas tree. Munchie was so, so excited.

Does she look excited at all to you? This was even before she had a big mug of hot chocolate with about 45 marshmallows in it.

I'm not sure why she needed to pose with the disco ball ornaments. Other than they're sparkly and fun. I guess that's enough of a reason.

Me: just rushed into the picture. Thank you self-timer.

Munchie: happy, happy, happy.

Hubs: flu-ish and being a good sport.

Best moment of the afternoon? The three of us sprawled out on the floor in front of the tree, drinking our hot chocolate and watching the lights glow on the tree as it got darker outside.

It was nice.

The Week that Was

2010-12-04T18:32:00.000-06:00

I had a post for you. It was all typed up elsewhere, but for the past two days Blogger hasn't let me cut and paste. So here's a quick little hello while Munchie watches Hannah Montana on the DVR.

This week has ended up okay after a rocky start. On Monday night I was volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House and Hubby called to say that Munchie was sick. She had calmly announced to him that she needed to "puke", walked over to the bathroom, and took care of business all by herself. Hubby and I were high-fiving - thinking self-managed vomitting might just be our very favorite developmental milestone. However, a couple of hour later Munchie walked out of her bedroom whimpering - "there's something on my pants, there's something on my pants." Oh yes. Something was covering her from the top of her head to her feet. And every blanket, pillow, and stuffie that was sharing her bed with her. It was not pretty. What was also not pretty was Hubby throwing everything from the pukey bed into the washing machine such that nothing actually gone clean. And what was not pretty-est was me having to empty half of the wet, warm, still pukey bedstuffs from the washer to my laundry room floor to accomplish actual cleansing of the remaining bedstuffs. Parents are not paid enough. After a nasty 4-5 hours the worst was over. Munchie woke up on Tuesday feeling much better and we had a lazy day at home with lots of TV (and laundry). By Wednesday she was completely back to normal.

My last meditation class was on Wednesday night. I'm kind of glad. I just wasn't getting it. Everybody else in my class seemed to be feeling energy swirling around, and seeing auras and stuff (except one lady who reported seeing green beans and pumpkins this week.) It was an odd bunch of folks.

On Thursday I volunteered in Munchie's Kindergarten classroom. Her teacher was away at a conference so I was with a substitute. I knew this prior to arriving and was sort of not looking forward to it as much as I would have with the wonderful Mrs. G, however I ended up enjoying myself quite a bit. I felt very helpful having been there twice already and knowing all the kids' names. The substitute teacher was a sweet young girl, and while chatting we discovered that we had graduated from the same High School. Except she graduated in 2003, making me feel very, very old.

Friday was my second last pilates class. I'm really going to miss it. It's been sooo long since my feet/ankles allowed me to do any sort of class and I was actually kind of good at a lot of the pilates stuff. The next session starts in January though, which is also when I should be flying to Vancouver for my next surgery. (No date though.... grrrrrr....) Maybe next fall I'll be able to return.

Today was gymnastics and a birthday party for Munchie, and now she has run over to the neighbors' house to play for an hour or so before bed. Which means I should be folding laundry and loading the dishwasher... instead I'm going to go find out how your weeks were.

What We've Been Up To

2010-11-23T10:58:00.000-06:00

Winter arrived last Thursday night. I guess that was inevitable. No messing around with a polite little dusting, this was one big dump of snow. Which was fun for the 5 year old in our house.

After literally hours of playing outside in the snow on Saturday, Munchie made herself comfortable with her new video game pal.

Munchie asked for a N!intendo for her birthday last February and Hubs and I said no way. There was no way we were going to buy our five (FIVE!) year old a DSi. (Disclaimer – lots of her friends have them and I don’t mean to offend anyone. It was just not what Hubs and I wanted to encourage at this age.) Anyway, we said something like “We will not be buying you this but if you want to save your own money? Fine.” We never dreamed that Munchie would from that moment on, hoard every penny. She saved $106 in 10 months and I found a DSi on sale for $99. She will tell you in was “the best day in my whole long life!” We’ve limited her to 30 minutes a day and it seems to be working out okay. Sometimes I try to tell myself that it will help improve her reading skills. Sometimes I'm just happy for 30 minutes of quiet.

Sunday was Hubby’s birthday. We baked him brownies and Munchie had a lot of fun with the icing.

And yesterday was our 7th Anniversary. Monday nights aren't really conducive to elaborate date nights, but we did grab our babysitter for a couple hours and go out for a drink and appetizer (with each other. Not the babysitter). It was nice, except we got adventurous with our appetizer and ended up inadvertently ordering raw beef. I took one bite and washed it down with a large gulp of martini.

In other unrelated news, my left ear is plugged and it’s driving me batty.

Samaritan's Purse

2010-11-18T16:09:00.004-06:00

Munchie, how are we going to fit all this stuff into that little shoebox?

We did it!! (Except the Tinkerbell Word Search book.... still an impressive feat.)

Samaritan's Purse.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2010-11-16T10:59:00.001-06:00

Oh I’m tired. Not just ‘yawn-tired’, more like ‘stomach-churning-everything-else-buzzing’ tired. Munchie decided in September that she needs two hours less sleep every night and it’s killing me. Combine that with Hubs having a few late nights and my mind’s apparent inability to justshutupalready, and I am tired.

What I would love more than anything in the world right now (besides you know, world peace and an end to poverty) is 14 hours of consecutive sleep in a pitch black room with smooth, cool sheets. Then I would like to wake up, open the blinds to a sunny blue-skied day and sip my coffee in silence.

Munchie had a solo at church on Sunday. She rocked it. It warms my heart when people stop on the way out of church to congratulate her. I love nice people.

I am almost done my Christmas shopping. That makes me happy. I’m really, really trying to reduce the extravagance for Munchie this year. She needs nothing. She wants plenty, but needs nothing. Santa is bringing her a guitar and some smaller gifts. Hubs and I will give her some smaller things too. Hubs thinks we should add a new bike to the mix, but I’m like GAH enough.

I was just about to tell you that I ordered my Christmas cards. Then I got the great idea that I could show you what they look like. So I went to my order and realized that I ordered the wrong damn print. It’s the right picture, but the unedited version – it’s the version where Munchie and I are front and center and Hubs is off in the corner with the top of his head and his shoulder cut off. Sigh. So I fixed it and reordered. There’s 43 damn dollars I didn’t need to spend. Don’t tell Hubby.

This week Chelsey wrote about Samaritan’s Purse. I’d never heard of it, but it sounds great. Short version – people fill shoe boxes and the boxes are sent to Haiti to given to children that need them. The website (Canada or USA) gives a list of the items that are needed and you can gear your box towards whichever age group and gender you want. Munchie has decided that we are going to fill a box for a girl, but she hasn’t decided if it’s going to be a little girl or a big girl. I love things like this that I can do with Munchie that might hopefully open her eyes a little bit about how fortunate she is and how it feels good to be kind and compassionate.

I have the hugest bruise ever on my right thigh. It’s so impressive that I took a picture of it last night. If my camera was here with me I would totally be posting a picture right now. It’s that big.

So last week I decided to get serious about what I was eating (i.e. too much crap), and how I was exercising (i.e. hardly at all). I ate well. I did cardio (mostly the bike) for 30-40 minutes every day except one. I wasn’t expecting Biggest Loser type results, but I also wasn’t expecting to gain a pound and a half. Sigh.

And goodbye.

Remembrance Day

2010-11-11T06:29:00.001-06:00

In Flanders Fields
by John McCrae, May 1915

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

I’m So Dull

2010-11-09T10:08:00.001-06:00

Here we go with another self-absorbed angst-y post!!

This past weekend we had a guest for dinner. He is what I would consider an acquaintance, not yet a friend of our family. It was a very enjoyable dinner, he is an engaging man with good stories to tell, and the whole evening flowed flawlessly. (Except I tried a new potato recipe and didn’t like it at all. But there was chocolate cake for dessert so that made up for everything.)

The only glitch? The sinking realization that I am totally boring.

This dinner guest doesn’t know any of our ‘back-story’. He doesn’t know where I grew up, where I went to school, if I have any siblings, if my parents are still alive… none of that. So we covered the basics. And then?.....<<crickets chirping>>….. What else do I have to talk about?

I go to work (which we covered) and then I come home and either shuttle Munchie off to her activities or else stay home and play Barbies, color pictures, or play with Play Doh.

What else do I do?

I volunteer. I should have talked about the Ronald McDonald House.

But I felt lost for words when I realized that I didn’t have an exciting professional opportunity on the horizon, or a food drive I was organizing, or a marathon I was training for, or an Alaskan cruise on my itinerary, or a home business that was taking off.

What is there that I can talk passionately about for more than four minutes? Anything?

That sucks! That’s lame! I don’t want to be that person….

Time to find a passion. I’m taking suggestions… what should it be?

The post where I say "continuum" a lot

2010-11-08T15:53:00.002-06:00

I’m not sure there is anything enjoyable or enlightening about reading about other people’s angst-y weight issues, so feel free to carry on with your day.

Historically my weight has fluctuated between the same 6 or 7 pounds. Not daily of course, but over the period of a few months. I’ll get on the scale and go – "Whoops! I’m at the high end of my usual weight continuum." Then I would watch what I ate for a while, I’d work out extra hard for a month or so and I’d be back down closer to the lower end of my continuum.

When I went for ankle surgery at this time last year, I was smack-dab in the middle of my usual range. And I was able to maintain that while I was forced to be very inactive during my recovery. Well, I maintained it for a while. For the past month or two I’ve been back at the high end again.

The difference now is that I just can’t turn up the intensity of my exercise. I can’t do anything weight bearing – so there goes running, the elliptical, and boot camp (my standard go-tos). I have a treadmill and an elliptical in my house, and they mock me every day. I tried swimming, but the continuous movement in all the ankle and foot joints increases my pain significantly. I can ride a bike but not for long periods on consecutive days because that makes my disk issues flare up.

And I like food. A lot. I think about food. A LOT.

I would like to be back at the mid-point of my weight continuum before my next ankle surgery in January. I’m worried that if I start the surgery-recovery-rehab process where I am now I’m going to end up beyond where I’ve ever been. In a bad way.

I’m not writing this so you can say – oh you look fine. I’m not going to start bingeing and purging. My pants still fit. I think a lot of my angst comes from the fact that this feels so much more out of my control than it ever used to. I want to just hop on the treadmill and run and run and run until my pants are loose.

Easily Amused

2010-11-03T13:13:00.002-05:00

I have a favorite type of soup. It takes 2 minutes to heat up in the microwave.

There's this thing I like to do...

I can walk into the lunch room at work, put my soup in the microwave and start it for 2 minutes. Then I can leave the lunch room, walk down a short hall to the washroom, pee, wash my hands, and walk back in the lunch room just as the microwave is counting down 3, 2, 1.

BEEP!

It makes me happy every time I time it right. Which I always seem to do.

Numbers

2010-11-01T12:05:00.002-05:00

3 = the number of Halloween costumes Munchie wore this year. We were grocery shopping a few weeks ago and she saw a (#1) Belle dress in the store. In a moment of weakness I bought it for her. She wore this costume to her ballet class. She was also allowed to wear a costume to her gymnastics class, but since the Belle dress didn’t allow for somersaulting and trampolining and such, we pulled out last year’s (#2)Supergirl costume. Then we discovered that Munchie’s warm jacket wouldn’t fit under either of these two costumes, so we pulled out the (#3) skeleton.

26 = the number of years ago that I first wore this same skeleton costume. And my older brother wore it before me.

365 = the number of days ago that I left for Vancouver for my first ankle surgery. I can’t decide if it feels like a whole year should have passed yet.

64 = the approximate number of days until I expect to leave for Vancouver for my second ankle surgery.

55 = the number of days until Christmas!

8 = the number of degrees Celsius the temperature is above normal today. In Fahrenheit, that’s approximately 400 degrees above normal. And I love it.

2 = the number of Halloween candies I have thus far consumed today.

45 = the percentage of candy I plan to skim from Munchie’s loot so that it doesn’t last more than a month.

3 = the revised number of Halloween candies I have thus far consume today.

3 = the number of close friends I have in their final weeks of pregnancy.

2 = the number of these friends who live too far away (wwaaaaaahhhhh!)

11 = the number of things on my ‘to-do’ list that I am currently neglecting.

4 = the second revision of the number of Halloween candies I have thus far consume today.

Will you love me forever?

2010-10-26T10:27:00.001-05:00

Will you neeeed me, will you never leave me?

My parents left for Florida this morning. They spend six months of the year living five minutes away from me and six months of the year in Florida.

On days like today, six months seems like an eternity. I really like having them home (here home, this home). Because they live so close they’re able to pick up Munchie from school if I need them too, my mom drops off muffins on her way to yoga, they come to watch Munchie’s soccer games and choir practices, and my mom is always an eager shopping companion. There are weeks that we don’t see my parents much or at all, but knowing they are so close is a comfort.

And now they’re gone. No more muffins. No more easy babysitting arrangements. No more company on spontaneous purse shopping expeditions.

Do we ever stop needing our moms?

I hope I’m the kind of mom that grown-up Munchie calls for every reason and no reason at all. I hope she’ll always want to go shoe-shopping with me and that she’ll trust me to watch her babies without a moment’s hesitation.

I hope I’ll always feel like home to her.

CRASH!

2010-10-22T18:07:00.004-05:00

That is the sound of me hitting a proverbial wall. Which I did earlier today. I did not sleep last night. Like, not at all. (And when I say "not at all", I probably mean that I slept for two hours but two hours qualifies as "not at all" in my opinion.) On Tuesday night I probably slept for about four broken hours. My tank is low.

I went to my pilates class this morning. I don't think I should have been driving. I narrowly avoided two accidents (that I was aware of... I wonder how many other drivers shook their fists at me). I couldn't form complete sentences. I forgot the word for "toaster".

After pilates I went to pick out my mediocre family photos. Brought them home and realized that my order was all screwed up and I'm missing six prints. Too bad the photographer is out of town now. So frustrating.

Then I went and bought a new phone. Ours (land line) isn't holding a charge for more than 20 minutes or so. On my way to the checkout I noticed 3-packs of Toffifee for $3.00. Which is a great deal and I bought a pack which was dumb because I ate one entire box on the way home which is gross.

I managed to iron one of Hubby's shirts without burning myself. Surprising, really.

I forgot to return Munchie's movie to Blockbuster, but escaped any late fees under some sort of late-fee loophole.

Once it was time for dinner, I just couldn't do it. On the menu was soy and orange pork tenderloin, mashed potatoes and corn. The thought of making the sauce, peeling and chopping potatoes... it was all too much. So I found some chicken nuggets and fries in the basement freezer and made those instead. I don't think Hubs quite understood when he called from work - "Sorry babe, I just couldn't make dinner tonight... no reason really. Just the thought of peeling potatoes made me want to cry." But he was home when I couldn't form sentences this morning so perhaps he's not surprised.

Anyway, I feel a bit more human after a coke and dinner. Tonight I'm taking Munchie to her first professional hockey game. We have my work's 'Club Seats' - I'm not entirely sure what that means... I think there are waiters and stuff. I'm going to tell Munchie that the game is over after the first period. That should be sufficient hockey for the two of us.

Bed in T-3 hours at the latest. I can do this.

I'm learning

2010-10-18T15:13:00.001-05:00

Kindergarten Rules

1. Backpacks and lunch boxes should not have pictures of any characters on them because that is too “baby-ish”.

2. Pizza is okay for lunch, but not pizza buns, pizza pretzels, or pizza bagels.

3. Water bottles are okay for snack, but lunch must be washed down with a juice box.

4. Lunch should come with two cookies, not one. (I break this rule and hear about it daily.)

5. Munchie should be the first person to say good morning to the crossing guard, not me.

6. Library books are to be returned only on the day they are due, never earlier. Even if you don't like it and don't want to read it again.

7. It is okay to draw on our outdoor shoes.

8. It is not okay to wear socks that say “Wednesday” on a Monday.

9. Yet socks don’t need to match.

10. Hairbands are no longer acceptable.

Thankfully:

1. It is still okay to hug and kiss your mom goodbye and hello.

2. And it is still okay to hold hands with your mom when you walk to school.

Mostly Happy

2010-10-13T09:43:00.002-05:00

Things that are making me happy:

Yay for the miners getting rescued from the mine in Chile! How refreshing to see the world media gather, not for a tragedy, but for a story that actually (thus far – finger’s crossed - touch wood) has a happy ending.

The unseasonably warm fall weather. I’m not missing the normally chilly October air AT. ALL. Winter will be here in no time and it will be long and brutal and so I am loving these bonus days of short sleeves and sandals.

I’m going to the theatre tonight with a girlfriend to see ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’. Then on Sunday Munchie and I are going with the neighbors to see a production (can’t remember what) at the Children’s Theatre. Then next week I’m going with my mom to see Chantal Kreviazuk perform with the Symphony Orchestra. Do you know Chantal Kreviazuk? She grew up just a few minutes away from me. I really like her music. In fact, one of her songs was my wedding song.

Lovelyn is making lots of money and is bringing fresh water to communities without. What a great way to celebrate your own birthday. Join her efforts, won’t you?

There is a small stack of books beside my bed and I’m excited to read all of them. Plus Jen mailed me two more – how nice is that?!

Things that are not making me happy:

My parents leave for their six months in Florida in a week and a half. It’s always so daunting right before they leave, but somehow the six months seem to fly by every year. This year my mom will be coming home in January to look after Munchie for the couple of weeks Hubs and I will be in Vancouver so I think it will make the goodbyes easier for Munchie to handle.

We have to cut down some trees in our yard. Part of the reason we bought the lot we did was because of all the trees. We were assured by the builder that they would keep as many as they possibly could. They kept five. I hated them. Hubs convinced me when I was pregnant with Munchie that one of the five trees had to go. It was sitting right where the gate to the backyard had to go, so Hubs was right but I was so sad to chop down a big, beautiful tree. I watched out the window crying (remember, I was pregnant and rather hormonal) as the tree cutters came to chop down our beautiful tree… then ran for cover as it fell the wrong way and crashed into our house. It just missed the window I was standing in front of, but knocked a whole in our stucco. Now there is a clump of three poplar trees that are too close to the other side of the house. They are knocking the shingles off the roof and apparently their roots are going to wreak havoc with our foundation. We might have to cut down all three of them. Leaving us with ONE original tree (and two puny ones that we’ve planted ourselves.) So much for our lovely yard of mature trees. Hubby doesn’t understand why I care, but I just DO.

There are signs up all over for flu-shot clinics. I hate flu season.

Things I’m not sure how I feel about:

Today I’m going to see an oncologist. Not because anything is wrong. (Kristi – NOTHING IS WRONG.) My family doctor is retiring this year (something I’m not happy about, he’s been my doctor since I was in utero.) When I met with my new family doctor he asked what sort of cancer follow-up I have done each year. Which is basically nothing… a chest xray and an echocardiogram every few years. So I’m meeting with an oncologist just to get their opinion on what I should be doing. The chemotherapy and radiation I had when I was a teenager do leave me more vulnerable to assorted problems and secondary cancers, so it might be reassuring to have some sort of follow up plan in place. It doesn’t hurt to be vigilant as far as I’m concerned. What is sort of strange about the appointment is the oncologist I’m seeing today is the same woman who walked into my hospital room in September of 1990 and said (to 14-year old me) – “Hey sh!t happens – it’s cancer.” I was then sent off to a pediatric oncologist and never saw her again.

So my list of happy things is my longest list, so I guess all is well here.

How are you?

Her Name Was Marla

2010-10-08T08:21:00.002-05:00

Stacia wrote a post earlier this week that really stuck with me. The short (not nearly as well written) version of Stacia's post is: while driving, she passed a car accident and the image of the accident and the knowledge that somebody lost their life just prior to her driving by with her family stayed with her and afffected her rather profoundly. Stacia's question to her readers was:

Has an event that only peripherally impacted you ever left an indelible mark?

And to that I say - yes.

On a Friday night in May of 2005, a lady showed up in the emergency department at the hospital closest to my house. She was married, with a 2 year old son, and she was pregnant with her second child. The woman had been feeling really unwell, was vomitting and dehydrated. The doctors, thinking her symptoms were related to her pregnancy and perhaps a virus, went to work rehydrating her. Her health deteriorated rapidly, her vital signs took a nose dive, her organs went into multi-system failure, and she died not long after arriving at the hospital. It was later determined that she died of septic shock. Due to the unusual/horrifying circumstances (and perhaps the fact that both she and her husband were lawyers), staff received some “refresher” training on septic shock after that night.

One week later on the first Friday night in June another lady arrived at the same hospital with the same symptoms. Without the experience one week earlier, the symptoms would most likely have been attributed to a typical virus. However, the doctors quickly determined that this lady also had septic shock and although her life hung in the balance for many days, they were able to save her life.

I was the second lady.

Her name was Marla. She Scuba-dived in the Caribbean, ice climbed and skied in the Canadian Rockies, ate Sushi underneath Tokyo, dined in the street markets of Hong Kong, smoked cigars on the beaches of Cuba, and climbed to the top of pyramids in Mexico.

And I lived because she died.

I never met her, but I will never forget her.

But this IS a vacation

2010-10-05T20:50:00.004-05:00

I'm driving Hubby crazy this week. He is working, Munchie is in school, and I'm on vacation. Apparently we have very different ideas about what a week of solo vacation should look like.

Yesterday I did some touch-up painting in the bathroom. I walked over to the store for some bread. I finished moving my summer clothes to the basement and brought up my winter clothes. I watched TV for a bit. I read my book.

I considered it a busy day.

Today I finished my book. I drank a latte. I filed my nails.

Hubby asks me questions like - "What are you going to DO this week? What are you going to accomplish? What have you arranged? What have you scheduled?"

Um, nothing, nothing, nothing, and nothing!

I love my Hubby, and I know he only wants me to be enjoying myself... but this, this nothingness is exactly the enjoyment I'm looking for.

Random

2010-10-01T13:26:00.004-05:00

Last night I had trouble falling asleep, so I laid in bed composing blog posts in my head. Except now I can't remember what they were about. I'm sure they were witty and insightful and you would have loved them. However, instead of witty and insightful, I've got some random and uninspired for you today.

Today I volunteered in Munchie's Kindergarten classroom. It was fun, and as expected I left with even more respect for Munchie's sweet, wonderful teacher. I really enjoyed myself for 2.5 hours, but can't imagine hanging out with 22 5-year olds every day. As I had feared I was put in charge of a craft. I do well with crafts that have very precise directions. This craft was more free-flowing... "see how this works... do it however it looks best..." were among my instructions. So I had some kids (luckily only about 6-7) take paper bags, stuff them with newspaper, secure with a green pipe cleaner, glue on eyes and noses, draw on mouths, and paint them a horrible brownish orange color. They were jack-o-laterns. And they looked terrible. And it was messy. And all the eyes and noses fell off. And you couldn't see the mouths under the vomit colored paint. But hey - I was just following my "directions".

Munchie is obsessed with Annie right now and I'm enjoying it so much. It was always my dream to be Annie. Now I can impose my own unrealized dream on my reddish-haired daughter.

Speaking of hair, I got a cut and color yesterday. My highlights are too stripey. Here's a poor quality pic from my webcam. There's a shock of really blond hair right at my forehead that makes me feel like Cruella Deville.

Tomorrow Hubby and I are going to see Bodies. I'm really looking forward to it. (Hubs and I are both health-care type people who dissected cadavers in University and are interested in such things... interested in cadavers? I don't mean that. Interested in anatomy and such. Better? Not much.)

I have a couple of days at home by myself next week. I'm looking forward to getting stuff done around the house - nothing major just dumb stuff that I never seem to get around to. For example I just noticed that the masterpiece Munchie made me for Mother's Day is still on our mantle. Maybe I'll get a pedicure or something one day too. Or just stay in my PJs and read a book in bed. It all sounds wonderful.

Now we're off to meet my girlfriend at some percentage of her 3 children at the book store. The good one with the play area. And the Starbucks. I tried a Pumpkin Spice latte last week. It wasn't my favorite, but will tide me over until the Gingerbread lattes are available.

Happy Friday everyone!

Good News Day

2010-09-24T19:16:00.003-05:00

Everytime the phone rang today, it was good news. When does THAT ever happen?! I guess that's why I'm blogging tonight - to document it. Plus - when the day started, I thought the phone would bring bad news. Here's why:

You know how much I love THE PLAN. How much my life relies on THE PLAN. Well THE PLAN was planned by a doctor on the other side of the country because my province does not have a foot/ankle surgeon. I had no option other than travelling many, many miles to get the care I needed.

Yesterday there was a message on my phone from our local hospital - "I'm calling from Dr. H's office, we understand you're waiting to see a Foot & Ankle Surgeon."

Turns out my province just got itself a foot and ankle surgeon. After freaking out for a while ("What will this do to my PLAN?!") I called back and left a message. I didn't hear back by the end of the day.

So I was not looking forward to my first phone call of the day. While it may very well come in handy to have a specialist in my own city in the future, I've got a plan thanks with Dr. Competentandhandsome. Forgive me for not being eager to be first in line to see Dr. Newandinexperienced and have him slice me open.

However, the phone call went great. Dr. Newandinexperienced is apparently not at all interested in getting involved with patients who have an active plan with another surgeon. And not only is he not interested in messing up my plan, but if the government decides they will no longer pay for my surgery expenses in Vancouver (they will argue that there was no need for me to leave the province), then I am to phone Dr. Newandinexperienced office and they will HELP me sort out the situation.

Oh the relief.

Then my mom called to say that she wants Munchie to sleep over next week so Hubs and I get to go on a date. That was a good call too.

Then Munchie music teacher called to say that she is recommending Munchie for some kind of advanced music program. She said that when she heard about the program she thought of Munchie immediately and thinks she would do really well with it. So that was a good call too.

And then Hubs called to say that he would be able to come home for a couple of hours between work and an evening course he's taking tonight. Good again.

I should probably just unplug the phone and keep my streak intact!

Well that was (not) relaxing

2010-09-23T18:26:00.003-05:00

I went to my first meditation class last night. I'm not sure if I get it. I missed the first class. But I don't think that was to any detriment. Apparently the method taught during the first class was to "sit and see what happens". That would have just annoyed me I think.

Last night the method was to "focus on the sensations in your body". My thoughts went something like this: Hmmm... this isn't very comfortable.... I can't wait to watch Grey' s Anatomy tomorrow... my back is starting to hurt... hmmm... yep, I've had enough... okay my back is really hurting now... oh and my ankles too... i haven't sat cross-legged like this in a long time... I should buy bread on the way home... how much longer... surely we must be done soon... I wonder if The Office starts this week too... oh right - my body... yep, back is still hurting..."

I (think I) was supposed to recognize the pain, acknowledge the pain, and then just let it go. Or something.

One of the methods (there are 4 more classes each focusing on a different method) will be using a mantra. I think that method might help me keep my mind from wandering so much. I'm not sure what will keep my butt from falling asleep though.